Hot flushes et al
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| Hecate |
I feel sorta sad because when i had my period, my mother and grandmother, made a big do about it. I was given black chicken soup to drink every month and my grandmother made me draw numbers for the lottery. The period was discussed very openly. It was not the way it often read in coming of age stories from American or British writers. It was called The Curse!!! I knew there were taboos, like we could not visit kelongs because it would scare away the fish, but would any woman in her right mind want to visit a floating fishing village when she was having her period? Also i liked it that we had this superpower - for one week of the month. It was cool.
But i discover now that menopause does not really have a ceremony or rituals of its own. A woman moving from mother to grandmother does not have any celebratory observances. It makes me very sad. I wish we did. I am pretty sure that there are no menopause rituals out there - not cultural ones. Possibly because by this time of a woman's life, she is so busy that there is no time for all that... still though. it would be nice right?
I was looking for a picture of a goddess on the Internet and realised that the pictures of goddesses on the internet, even the non human ones, tended to be depictions of women in their 20s. Now no longer being in my 20s, i felt sorta weird. I felt a bit sad. I think i felt sad mostly because i did not realise that i looked like a goddess when i was in my 20s. Well not like these women anyway. But now being on my way to being definitely an older woman, i also thought, so this is what women who are older are always complaining about - about being invisible. Then i also thought, it is not so bad being invisible. It is like having a super power. Being invisible - just being no longer expected to behave a certain way or look a certain way - not that it ever mattered to me, as my friends would always tell you.
I have never really cared about the way i looked. Not really. Not since i was 23. What was always more important was being comfortable in what i wore. Also being true to myself. No matter how wrong headed that was. And in my 30s it was all about being a mom, which meant more of the same - being comfortable and being who i was. Being fit has also always been important to me. I ran before it was the done thing and i have always loved being outdoors. Cycling, walking, swimming. Being physically fit has really stood me in good stead. If there is one piece of advise i would give a young women - in her teens today, i would say always, always always be fit. Be fit through your teens and twenties and thirties - and you will always have a base line to come back to when in your 40s. But not obsessively fit. Just have good stamina and good flexibility.
Also i would say, make sure you do not spoil your skin by putting all sorts of shit on it. Drink lots of water and the sun is ok you know. Don't become one of those people who are afraid of the sun. It is good for you. Enjoy the sun. Make sure you don't put the chemicals which they say are good for you on it - but really are dreadful. Find natural alternatives. Like calendula. Aloevera.
I would also ask her to know about the goddess. To reclaim her feminine spirituality. It doesn't matter if the rest of the world does not participate in it - it is important that women know the history of the goddess and that side of her. She will walk with you and give you an alternative narrative to all the nonsense which goes on around you. I am pretty sure that i am not freaking out now because of the goddess story which i have. The wise elder. The hag. The grandmother. Even if i do not literally become a grandmother, it is that time of my life - where i no longer need to pretend to myself that is important that i act like out of my time and age.
I go regret that i did not do more gardening when i was younger. Nor that i did not know DIY. I wish i knew more about herbs when i was younger. More about wildlife. These things are all good. But i am knowing about them now. I like the way my life has been played in two halves. First the half about the arts and then the half about everything else.
Look after the earth. If everything we do is aligned to what is good for the earth, you will feel good about yourself too. But it has to be TRULY good for the earth. Not just pretend good for the earth. Also i would say do not be afraid to make mistakes. They are so good for you.
The thing is that i regret nothing as well. It really feels like i an on the edge of a new adventure. And it is going to be amazing.
Thank you the universe.
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