The Mercy Seat
So i'm sitting here... just finished making the last of the chocolate. Listening to Johnny Cash and thinking i would have loved to have been a hobo musician. You know the guitar and the railway feright cars and the long journeys nowhere but somewhere. And just to spin and spin and spin the threads that life has given me. And i could do that even now, but i have children and one day when i am ready to go, that's going to be IT for me. Let's find out how little we can live on.
The chocolate is different every year. This year it is more bitter with more brandy in it, which may not be a bad thing. I have decided that i am derivitive and shallow, not that it would depress me. I think this because i don't have original thoughts when i'm not reading anything else. I mean that i kind of... i remember my lecturer in uni saying that Theodore Dreiser was quite funny; you could tell what he was reading at that time because he stuffed it into the paragraph he was currently working on. So like if he was reading about prostitution, he'd put that into there. Or about social order... whatever. And i'm like that. I'm thinking of the thing i am looking at. If i'm rolling chocolate, i'm rolling chocolate, not pondering quantum theory. Not that i would ponder quantum theory. I would mostly go, wow, that's exactly what Steiner says, and then move on.
So anyway, which is why i write, because if i didn't write i wouldn't be with my thoughts. I'd be all over the fecking place. There is this exercise that Steiner says we should try, which is shutting up and listening to someone else. I did mention that people were very worried when you did this. For instance i know someone who does do this, and my general reaction is, she thinks i'm an idiot, which is why she is not saying anything. Actually she isn't not saying anything, she is listening to what i am saying.
And then i did try this listening for a bit and then realised how uneasy it made people. People looked at me as if i was evil or stupid. Or else possibly deaf. Or not understand English, since i look like i might not understand English. It is quite funny. So i've stopped doing it now. But i should really start again.
Peter does this. He long pauses before reactions. Sometimes, he pauses so long he forgets to react. This drives me insane. Did you hear me at all? I would say... and he would say, yeeees..... i think there has to be a happy medium somewhere.
I'm off to the Beeb this morning. Talking about nestboxes.I'm going to have to grab a few before i go, so i should really leave now, and clean up before i go. I was shocked that Peter managed to clean the entire place last night. I was like, you are kidding me... it was pretty impressive. However he did make sure that only god can be perfect by throwing my £15 silicone sheet into the bin. I did manage to salvage it, but it was a bit arrrrgh!!!! Men.
The chocolate is different every year. This year it is more bitter with more brandy in it, which may not be a bad thing. I have decided that i am derivitive and shallow, not that it would depress me. I think this because i don't have original thoughts when i'm not reading anything else. I mean that i kind of... i remember my lecturer in uni saying that Theodore Dreiser was quite funny; you could tell what he was reading at that time because he stuffed it into the paragraph he was currently working on. So like if he was reading about prostitution, he'd put that into there. Or about social order... whatever. And i'm like that. I'm thinking of the thing i am looking at. If i'm rolling chocolate, i'm rolling chocolate, not pondering quantum theory. Not that i would ponder quantum theory. I would mostly go, wow, that's exactly what Steiner says, and then move on.
So anyway, which is why i write, because if i didn't write i wouldn't be with my thoughts. I'd be all over the fecking place. There is this exercise that Steiner says we should try, which is shutting up and listening to someone else. I did mention that people were very worried when you did this. For instance i know someone who does do this, and my general reaction is, she thinks i'm an idiot, which is why she is not saying anything. Actually she isn't not saying anything, she is listening to what i am saying.
And then i did try this listening for a bit and then realised how uneasy it made people. People looked at me as if i was evil or stupid. Or else possibly deaf. Or not understand English, since i look like i might not understand English. It is quite funny. So i've stopped doing it now. But i should really start again.
Peter does this. He long pauses before reactions. Sometimes, he pauses so long he forgets to react. This drives me insane. Did you hear me at all? I would say... and he would say, yeeees..... i think there has to be a happy medium somewhere.
I'm off to the Beeb this morning. Talking about nestboxes.I'm going to have to grab a few before i go, so i should really leave now, and clean up before i go. I was shocked that Peter managed to clean the entire place last night. I was like, you are kidding me... it was pretty impressive. However he did make sure that only god can be perfect by throwing my £15 silicone sheet into the bin. I did manage to salvage it, but it was a bit arrrrgh!!!! Men.
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