901
It is 901 posts!!! I have reached 901 posts for this blog... this year was the fourth year of the blog... i did think that i wouldn't continue there a couple of years back, but i am really glad that i have. I would love to be able to print ut a hard copy annually, or download the blog annually so that in case blogger.com decides to charge me like £2 mill per annun, i'll be able to say, nope, it's all here so you go ahead and charge the £2 million cos i ain't using it no more.
It has been incredible to look back on the years and see the stuff i've posted. Sometimes, to jog my memory to see what we did, or what happened in Singapore that year, i'll go back to the blog. I have films of Ghin taking his first steps, Oisin and Ghin unwrapping presents, me breastfeeding Ghin, and of course all that writing.
Last night i had the most amazing dreams. Well there was this one part that had maggots in it, which wasn't the most amazing part, but i woke and thought, you know it is possible that people can love each other without desiring each other. I can't put it properly... not like friendship love, but like romantic love... but perhaps this is what Dante means, although i have this feeling that Dante was kind of like pedestalising a bit. I mean holding and supporting each other spiritually, but knowing that in this life it is just not the path to be supporting and holding each other physically. And i am also beginning to think that spiritual and soul connections are far MORE important and meaningful than physical ones. Being there for someone, knowing that someone is always there for you, even though they are not physically present... i know it sounds insane, but it is worth contemplating, or entertaining the possibility of.
Yesterday as i was driving to the Beeb, i had this sense of elation. The same crazy wonderful feeling when you are in love, except that it doesn't have an object of desire. In the past when this happened to me, i would be very sad :-(. I would go, ah, if only i had someone to love like this. To fill and to be filled in this manner. And then i would think, isn't that so sad and start to enumerate all the sadness in my life.
Yesterday, i realised, that i could give this feeling to the world, the world that needs love. I could give this feeling to someone who was suffering in pain, to someone who was in doubt, to someone who... just anyone... i could pass it on. And so i did, and it was the right thing to do. To pass on feelings of delight and elation... they are not for one person, they are for all of us. For everyone.
As i have said, in previous posts, the sense that i am alone, the acceptance that i am REALLY ALONE in this lifetime, has probably begun to work into me. And in that being really alone, i am beginning to see that by letting go, perhaps i am enabling everything to come in as well.
Perhaps this is something i just tell myself to make myself feel better. But if that it indeed it's purpose, then i would much rather feel better and be alone than feel like shite and be alone.
So yesterday was spent binging on all the Merlin episodes that i did not watch. I watch it cos i love Colin Morgan. The storyline, while it has its highlights, is somewhat marred by the inability of most of the cast to act. Especially Morgana who spends her time with very badly applied makeup and scowling about like the archytypal 'hag'... cos she's a witch. I detest the misogyny and the tokenism. The Tokenism as sort of stayed the same, the misogyny has really become ridiculous. In one of last night's episodes, to raise Lancelot from the dead Morgana went to pointlessly visit this proper old hag who lived in a cave, who had really bad teeth and was blind. I just thought, this is ridiculous.
Anyhow, I'm there cos of Colin. If it wasn't for him, i wouldn't be watching the feckin thing. Not in the least because while i know LOGICALLY that there is no ONE Arthurian story, there are at least some sanity in the archetypes... in this one, the archetypes are all over the feckin place and to have Perceval as this beefcake and Lancelot as this swarthy hunk really does grate on my nerves. The last episode has Tristan and Isolde as smugglers. It really was too much. I blame the writers.
I am now going to read the Foundations of Human Exprience and try and power through chapters 5 - 7. Then i'm going to get the boys dressed, fed and then off to get the solstice branch. I'm not doing the solstice celebrations this year. I just don't have the time or energy to do it. I did however have time to think about next year yesterday, and i realised that i'm really neglecting myself. So next year it is going to be more about me. My Spirit Will is going to have it's work cut out for it in that direction.
But next year is the year of the Spirit Will. I can really feel that it is going to be tested. But i do have help, i have others, the unseen others around me supporting and holding me... and the more i work with the Spirit Will, i know that the more i will have help.
So here's to the next 901... and the Year of the Spirit Will.
It has been incredible to look back on the years and see the stuff i've posted. Sometimes, to jog my memory to see what we did, or what happened in Singapore that year, i'll go back to the blog. I have films of Ghin taking his first steps, Oisin and Ghin unwrapping presents, me breastfeeding Ghin, and of course all that writing.
Last night i had the most amazing dreams. Well there was this one part that had maggots in it, which wasn't the most amazing part, but i woke and thought, you know it is possible that people can love each other without desiring each other. I can't put it properly... not like friendship love, but like romantic love... but perhaps this is what Dante means, although i have this feeling that Dante was kind of like pedestalising a bit. I mean holding and supporting each other spiritually, but knowing that in this life it is just not the path to be supporting and holding each other physically. And i am also beginning to think that spiritual and soul connections are far MORE important and meaningful than physical ones. Being there for someone, knowing that someone is always there for you, even though they are not physically present... i know it sounds insane, but it is worth contemplating, or entertaining the possibility of.
Yesterday as i was driving to the Beeb, i had this sense of elation. The same crazy wonderful feeling when you are in love, except that it doesn't have an object of desire. In the past when this happened to me, i would be very sad :-(. I would go, ah, if only i had someone to love like this. To fill and to be filled in this manner. And then i would think, isn't that so sad and start to enumerate all the sadness in my life.
Yesterday, i realised, that i could give this feeling to the world, the world that needs love. I could give this feeling to someone who was suffering in pain, to someone who was in doubt, to someone who... just anyone... i could pass it on. And so i did, and it was the right thing to do. To pass on feelings of delight and elation... they are not for one person, they are for all of us. For everyone.
As i have said, in previous posts, the sense that i am alone, the acceptance that i am REALLY ALONE in this lifetime, has probably begun to work into me. And in that being really alone, i am beginning to see that by letting go, perhaps i am enabling everything to come in as well.
Perhaps this is something i just tell myself to make myself feel better. But if that it indeed it's purpose, then i would much rather feel better and be alone than feel like shite and be alone.
So yesterday was spent binging on all the Merlin episodes that i did not watch. I watch it cos i love Colin Morgan. The storyline, while it has its highlights, is somewhat marred by the inability of most of the cast to act. Especially Morgana who spends her time with very badly applied makeup and scowling about like the archytypal 'hag'... cos she's a witch. I detest the misogyny and the tokenism. The Tokenism as sort of stayed the same, the misogyny has really become ridiculous. In one of last night's episodes, to raise Lancelot from the dead Morgana went to pointlessly visit this proper old hag who lived in a cave, who had really bad teeth and was blind. I just thought, this is ridiculous.
Anyhow, I'm there cos of Colin. If it wasn't for him, i wouldn't be watching the feckin thing. Not in the least because while i know LOGICALLY that there is no ONE Arthurian story, there are at least some sanity in the archetypes... in this one, the archetypes are all over the feckin place and to have Perceval as this beefcake and Lancelot as this swarthy hunk really does grate on my nerves. The last episode has Tristan and Isolde as smugglers. It really was too much. I blame the writers.
I am now going to read the Foundations of Human Exprience and try and power through chapters 5 - 7. Then i'm going to get the boys dressed, fed and then off to get the solstice branch. I'm not doing the solstice celebrations this year. I just don't have the time or energy to do it. I did however have time to think about next year yesterday, and i realised that i'm really neglecting myself. So next year it is going to be more about me. My Spirit Will is going to have it's work cut out for it in that direction.
But next year is the year of the Spirit Will. I can really feel that it is going to be tested. But i do have help, i have others, the unseen others around me supporting and holding me... and the more i work with the Spirit Will, i know that the more i will have help.
So here's to the next 901... and the Year of the Spirit Will.
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