As the world falls down

The first week of work of the year has passed by with an unseemly amount of work to be done. On Friday we attended Joanne's father's funeral. It was the first funeral i have been to in a long time too. It was held at a Church of Ireland chapel and it was a beautiful service. Except that i knew that it was certainly something i didn't want to have for myself. Which made me think, i really should try and script something, put something together for my funeral. For a start, i'd like to be incinerated. And i'd like the ashed to be scattered in two places - Kinnegoe Bay and Uluwatu in Bali. However, i suppose i should leave some in Singapore, Macritchie reservoir would be ideal, although i think that the Ministry for the Environment might have something to say about it. Then, the music - i'd really like that song which they play in Spirited Away when Jihiro takes the train ride to Swamp Bottom to be used at some stage. After that, i can't think of any song. I'd some poetry - and if Oisin is old enough, for him to say a few words. If i died here, maybe Marie could say a few words, i've not asked her yet though. I hope she doesn't read this blog. If Peter is still alive, he could say a few words. They might be very few though. They're really random, but they are because i haven't though about it beyond, i don't think i've seen anything that really fits.

A funeral is really about the person, the entity, the lover, the father, the sister, the friend. So why do they keep talking about god? And they totally overdo it. It's like god is perfect you can't blame him for taking away this life, for making it kinda shit, for all the disappointments, so let's not speak about the elephant in the room and just keep saying how wonderful it all is when we enter the kingdom of heaven. Why don't they talk about the painful bits, because surely that's part of life too. If we didn't have the painful bits, it wouldn't be real.

Pain, i was thinking is a reality, but it is awful. So let us not inflict more pain than is necessary.

Ah Ghin is upstairs now. With daddy reading.

I'm rereading John Lane's Timeless Simplicity. This year i resolve to simplify my life. To follow Manley Hopkin's statement "What is do is me: for that I came." To simply be. I think that over the last couple of years, as mother, i have been able to have faith in this - because i have spent so much time with children. Because they are so close to the original purpose. This year will be the year of cutting back to the things that are really important and staying there with them.

And what are the important things?

Festivals and important days - like birthdays
Friends and family
Home and garden and how we look after them
Showing up everyday to write (and keeping this blog for Ma and the family, even if they don't really read the writing and just look at the pictures.)
Meaningful work and creating new realities, like our school

I was out with Michael the other night and we spent a lot of the time arguing about what consists of meaningful political action. Michael has always told me that i'm a very conservative person. It's fair enough, if that's his view. I don't really have a view on his political activity. But i did say that for now, the only person i have jursidcition over is myself and i believe that if i change, then the world changes around me. Call it NIMBYism, call it lifestyle politics, call it any derogatory thing you like under the sun. Call me a capitalism pig, i'm cool with that. But currently, my priorities are the ones above - and not causing more pain than necessary. So right now, my politics and my life are one and the same, and for now i am content with that narrative. It may change later, who knows, but this is it for now.

I was watching Labyrinth, the David Bowie one with Oisin last night, and was struck by the artistry and thoughtfulness of the film. When i watched it as a child, it was a piece of fun and adventure. Now i watch it and it's on par with Lewis Carroll and any piece of Zen writing. There are so many wonderful parts to it. How Sarah never abandons her friends. How she acheives what she does with gentleness. How she defeats that goblin king which symbolises the forces of materialism by telling him "You have no power over me". But my favourite part was when she meets this rag and bone woman who tells her that everything she needs is right here in this room - all her THINGS. And then she slowly starts becoming tha rag and bone woman before she remembers that she must rescue her step brother, Toby.

And so it goes...follow your bliss, says Joseph Campbell, a beautiful reminder which has been trivialised a bit by being emblazoned on a million tea towels and fridge magnets. But it is true. Following our bliss is all we can do. And learning what gives us bliss, in this complicated and confusing labyrinthine world is probably the most difficult thing to do. Why is it that the simplest things are the hardest to do? Why?

We attended the march for peace yesterday as well. About 4,000 people were there. After trying to keep up with the march i gave up. Ghin was pushing his own stroller and we had to walk behind him. I then looked at his little body, exerting effort and i thought, he's really trying, and then i remember Thich Nat Hanh's walking meditation. Let's do the walking meditation Oisin, i said to Oisin. Let's do the march slowly and silently. Oisin looked at pictures of bloodied children, look mom, he said. He was really shocked by it. Well, Oisin, i said, this is what happens when you drop bombs on someone or take up a gun to shoot someone. This is what war is. This is why we must never go to war. Violence does not solve anything. Nothing. Because what happens when you kill someone, what happens then? They want to kill you back. And what happens when they kill someone on your side? You want to kill them back then. And then what happens when you kill someone else on their side? They kill someone on our side then. So it never stops Oisin. Violence does not stop. Unless you stop it. It is more difficult to be gentle and kind when someone is hurting you, but it is the only thing we can do to stop the violence. There is no such thing as a good war.

The Socialist Workers were shouting "In our thousands in our millions we support the Palestinians." The way they hijack demos is a form of violence in itself. I don't just support the Palestinian, i also support the Israelis. I support them finding a peaceful negotiated settlement. I also find it odd that people need to march under banners and flags. Wasn't this how all the trouble started in the first place? So we marched under no flag, starting at the head of the march and then slowly being dropped off and left behind as we did the walking meditation, led by a baby pushing his own stroller. Finally we were passed by all the ragged contingents, protestors, flag wavers and were the last in the train. We met the Quakers, last of all. When we got to City Hall, i decided that we had done our bit. Let's go for lunch now Oisin, i said. I want Burger King! He shouted. I had planned a lovely hot lunch by the fire at the J Hewitt, but who was i to deny my son the occassional joys of Burger King and Coke. And so, we ducked in, out of the cold, the shouting and the flag waving and watched as we tucked into our whoppers and fries.