Shiva's and Metta's Mother's Sutra

I went running yesterday! Hooray!!! I can't believe i managed it. I was just about to throw it when i thought, no waaaaay. I'm so doing this. And it was off into a white snowfilled land. Very very refreshing and last night i felt amazing. So that's why i was so miserable. The Steiner course is now talking about reincarnation. I don't really believe or think that literal reincarnation exists. What believe in is getting things right now. Here and now. Since i really have no control over the future, or indeed anything or anyone else, the only thing i can do is try and behave properly myself. Reincarnation for me is making the same mistake over and over again. And what is the point of reincarnation anyway? Why should we be forced to come back over and over again. I believe it is something that was made up to keep the caste system there. That sort of reincarnation. The idea of karma. Respecting what is here, appreciating it, that is what's important. It is now getting ea...

Dear people who may read this blog, i am going to start setting permissions, so please email me at stephanie_simdoran@hotmail.com if you want to be included. I'll leave the blog open to all for two weeks and then restrict it after that. I'm doing this because some very disturbing keywords popped up when i was looking at the Stats section and i think that its only fair to the family that i not expose them unnecessarily to perverts. Hope you understand, x Steph

It's 6.30 and i'm awake. Peter dropped in an animation of life in The Creggan during a firefight. A wee boy,probably around Oisin's age, kerlectin' taadpoles and the Brits kemin' enta the no-go eerea that was Creggan. It was a really good video, but like anything that celebrate the Troubles i am deeply uncomfortable with. Because i did not live through it, because i am an outsider. Because on some subconscious level, i do not believe that people should normalise what is an awful sitiation.... thats how they situation here. The sounds made the the ua are left out and the mouth never rounds. (In West Belfast and the Creggan they talk with drawn lips, afraid the ciggy might fall out, even if there is no ciggy. In East Belfast they whine. A Whine that my younger son has adopted.) Anyways, i know that like anything in life, if you have lived through it and survived, its great recalling it, looking back. So i know that there must have been good days, great days even. Sure...

Watching Ice Age on TV. Spent the afternoon tidying up, folding clothes and cooking. I made a version of Opor Ayam. It is very nice. So nice that Ghin ate a thigh, and two wings. However, i am really bored. Sort of pent up. I need to desperately go for a run and i feel the muscles twitching. The short and long ones and i haven't used them for two weeks now. The last time i ran it was the 5th of November. Which means that i have not run now for almost three weeks... if not four. It's desperate. Sorry for the lack of photos. I'm thinking that i am going to ask friends and family to register and get permission to have access to the blog. It's just out of security. Someone found this website by typing in the words japanese mothers sons fuck. And it's just awful. What kind of world do we live in out there. I'm also thinking of getting the school's blog with permission settings as well, although i must say that the search paths for that were all fine. Next week is...

We made a snowman and put him on the pillary thing in the front of the house. I should take a picture. It is very cute really. Oisin is now cooking his lunch. Instant noodles. I could i suppose make an effort but i'm too lazy. We are watching TV again after two snowball fights. The weather is so lovely that if i was a good mother i would take them to Stormont, but i know exactly what will happen half way through. Ghin will get cold and bored and we will have to come home and i'll be left sliding my way back all the way home with Ghin screaming that he is cold and unhappy. So i think not. There are sales all over the place. Debenhams had a 50% sale.

It is very strange. I saw my page views and i get a few hits from Russia and Poland. The referral pages are from this housing and property development site in Russian. Why would Russian people be looking at this site, on what seems to be a regular basis....? It sort of makes me feel uneasy. Perhaps they are looking at the photos of the kids, which makes me think, perhaps i should put a block on the blog, so that only people who ask permission to look at it can look at it. I have to think about this. I have been thinking of the show offs. Perhaps i need to stop labelling show offs. After all do we all not show off at some level? I need to go. They are now watching TV and i can't blog at the same time! Time to make pancakes. We had a great time yesterday by the way, feeding the ducks. If i didn't need to pee so much i would have definitely taken photographs. The film they are watching is how to tame a dragon, which is a great film, except for the Them and Us subcontext. In order ...

So i've identified the thing which really fecks me off about people who feck me off. You know, the ones that REALLY GET UNDER YOUR SKIN. The ones are drive me bats. They don't drive everyone bats, they are my specialised bugbear. And i try to trace this back. I can do this by recalling a few proverbs which my mother used to say to me when i was young. Like, ayam betelur seluruh kampung tau, which is counter pointed by the other bit of the pharse, a turtle lays a hundred eggs and no one hears about it. In essence, it meant do not show off. No one likes a show off. People cannot bear show offs, and don't i become one too. Since coming to Northern Ireland, this has become very interesting. Because Northern Ireland is roughly divided into two kinds of people. The quiet survivors and the noisy victims. On both sides. It is also divided into the self deprecating dry wits and the ones who cannot shut up. And the tendency to be a turtle or be a chicken is exacerbated here. And it i...