6.8.25 - The impulse to narrative

Spanish artist: Helios Ruiz

Human beings don't need something to believe in - well they do - what they really need is  good story. It is the good stories - or even poor ones - which enable them to survive. 

I watch the people here all scrabbling around with whatever it is that people here do. Catch a bus, go to school, wake up and go for breakfast, you know all the things which make whatever they do meaningful. And it's all about the story. The story which tells you, this is what you need to do. That vice like grip on your neck of a narrative, especially if it is espoused by the entirety of the people around you is terrifying. It makes you do things which not only not make sense, but works against your interest. 

And that is what is happening with the entirety of the world right now. Right now, at this present moment, there is a brutal war being fought EVERYWHERE about what it means to be human. And right now what it means to be human is to at the very least stand on the side of the Gazans. Arrayed against them are fuckwits and greedy tycoons. Against them are the small, miniscule pin eyed men and women who value power so much that they have traded their humanity for it. They have loved power so much that they have done things which they regret as they are now so imminently blackmailable. It is repulsive - men who are bloated bags of perspiration and rancid cottage cheese who wish to sully the beauty of these children. What the fuck is wrong with these people? And they have this story in their heads that the murder and wholesale destruction of an entire nation, the starvation of children is absolutely ok. They are insane. They are nuts. Their descent into madness did not start two years ago. It had already happened. We are all now simply sliding into their insanity.

I look around me in Singapore. If I did have to come back here, what would be my narrative? I'd be here for my parents of course. But there is something else. Something else which I need to tend to. Something else which I need to fill. I don't want to get involved in any of the stupid shit which mainstream politics has done. So I will keep looking. Looking for the crack, the chink, to see where I as a seed may lie and then, grow.

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So... this in interesting... I have been running since I was 15. Since I was 15, I have run on a daily basis. Some years were better than others, but after a few months, I would always return to running. Take this year for instance. This year I did not run from February to July. Literally. Well I did run maybe twice. But I promised myself when I got here I would run everyday. I haven't run everyday, but I have pretty must run for most of the days I have been here. Half an hour, on treadmills or on the hills. I'm very happy with half an hour. And I started stretching and doing sit ups. After the first week of a very sore ab centre, I began doing sit ups everyday and now... I am doing 85 a day. I have no doubt that by the time I return I will be doing 100. I have not done 100 sit ups in decades... literally. I think the last time I did 100 sit ups was when I was in my late 20s. Maybe mid 30s. The point is that it took me no time at all to get back to a level of fitness which if I just MAINTAINED for the rest of my life would see me in good stead. And this I must do. I MUST run everyday at the start of the day, at 7 am everyday for half an hour and do sit ups... 

I have finished a short story and done some more transcribing. When my pack of cards is done, I will read through it and edit it and then send it off. Having no children and lots of time and also quite a lot of life has made such a huge difference to me. 

I have completed doing my lesson planning for the year and I'm now going to just spend the rest of the two weeks doing things around the house. I will for sure clear this room. Dust it and make it nice and neat for them.

And that will be it. I will just enjoy the club, enjoy the pool, enjoy the family. Enjoy the time here.

So after the brunch today, I'll work on the TV area and dust it and organise the tapes, etc. Oh no, I should put up the pictures. Finish doing that and then do the TV area. I think it will take hard work, like a couple of hours everyday at least. I will push through it since the lesson planning took no time at all.