25.6.25

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It has been a dizzying week. I only have Saturday to sort the classroom and I will spend all day doing it. So I should spend tomorrow evening cleaning and tidying the house because I won't have time for that. We leave on Sunday at 3.30 pm. So I have Sunday morning to do stuff - like final cleaning. But that's all.

The play's today. It is going to be good. This will be the last year I will have to harangue them. I have so many thought about some of these children. Children who cannot control themselves. I am hoping that over next year they will settle. But essentially, I understand what's going on now and it just feels so exhausting.

I am very tired. I had some breakfast today because I know it's gonna be a big day.

I really just want to go home and sleep after today. 

Right... ok. I'm heading now. I also have to do some friend rice on Thursday night - that should be ok. 

I'm going to miss Oisin so much in Singapore this year. One of the loveliest things about Singapore is walking around with these beautiful boys - so lovely and personable and just a credit to life itself. I did good. This Sunday I collected the boys and saw that his now no longer new what - partner? - was tidying the garden with the girl and he was in Queens. Then yesterday I saw them - the little family just waiting outside the house for a lift - it brought back so many horrible memories. I saw now that they were just the same now - but also not the same. At least I had Ma and Pa and Jac and my summer holidays and the love of the community and friends - which he told me I had none - and I was independent. I made sure that I was ALWAYS independent and I have a lifetime of wonderful memories, of which really, he was a tiny footnote. I lived my life entirely. And the first thing which the gods did for me, the land did for me, when I did the journey was, they gave me a new heart. That's enough now woman - you have a new heart. It's all gone, all over.

That was huge work this year which I did really. As for him, the hypocrisy, the lying, the pretending to be who he isn't. It's ok. After a while, everyone finds out. And it's just gross as well, the using of non-white women to have non-white children to give himself some colour. 

Always coat tailing, in everything he does. 

I wanted to laugh when I heard him try to pronounce the Tuatha Da Danaan. What do you know of the Da Danaan? What exactly? It's just hilarious. So funny. Can't even pronounce probably the most used Irish words right. But you know what, I don't have to do that anymore. 

I have so many many thoughts. So many - but we will see. We will see.

Time to head to school and start clearing things out again. I'll start piling things up in boxes. And binning things. Can't wait really. Can't wait.

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