15.6.25

Today I became a mother for the first time. I gave birth to Oisin, I think it was - actually I don't even remember the time. I was so full of pathodine. I was mostly knocked out. It was 9 hours and between labour pains I was snoring. I snoring so hard that I could HEAR myself snore as I slept because of the pathodine.

I don't know if he will spend any part of the day with me. In many ways, it doesn't matter. I spent lots of the days with him when I could and that is what matters.

Oisin taught me so much. He taught me patience and how to put someone else ahead of me. In his presence and Ghin's presence I learnt to subsume my needs for theirs. I think that's how I see it anyway. I don't know how they see it. Apparently I yelled a lot at them, something I don't really remember. I recall reading the riot act at most twice a year - the big telling off - but clearly this was so effective it was as if I did it all the time.

This week has not been good. I lost the plot on Tuesday and ended up drinking four? maybe three? bottles of prosecco this week. Which is clearly not good. I'm going to have to buckle up and sort myself out properly before heading to Singapore. 

That said, the three days of fasting - well five days - has been good. It has been good for me.

Report writing continues.

It's all good.