19.4.25 - Its in the stars

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I'm about to head off to school. I found out yesterday well the night before I do not have till Wednesday but only till tomorrow to get everything sorted. That did kick my ass in gear and I did have a few things with all the other things which are going on...

It's kinda mad really. Really.

I am now done with the madness of the world. This is how people are dragged into wars. People say batshit things and other people believe them. But there had to be some sort of betrayal which had taken place in the first place. In this case, the betrayal was from the people who said you can trust us - we will look out of you - tis always the case. Then for years they sat on their hands and did nothing about it or even worse exploited their positions of power, and then after years and years of being screwed around with, people are like fuck this shit and we are just gonna do whatever it takes to look after our own because we have literally nothing to lose. This is how wars are started. The assholes get complacent thinking that they are gonna get away with pulling the wool over everyone's eyes and then people get sick and of this - and fight back.

I used to think it would be a high ideal which would motivate people, but it is not the case. There are no high ideals here. None whatsoever. The ideal is to just survive. If only the assholes listened to the people with the high ideals in the first place. The Corbyns and the Graebers and the Saids of this world instead of telling them that they were being idealistic and naive or worse smearing them with shite. And if you were a collaborator in this mess - if you knew better and decided to take the Queen's shilling, then we are embarrassed for you. No worse still, you contributed to this mess. This is how the Cultural Revolution took place and Mao sent the academics to the fields. I totally understand it. Sit in your ivory towers why don't you? You are not immune, they are coming for you.

It's depressing and true, but what are you gonna do? This is the mess you made. When you said Clinton was alright and Obama was alright and Bush was nasty but alright - here we are now... here we are now. Actually WHY am I even bothered about the US??? Fuck that right?

I'm off to school to sort the room out. I was hoping to do it on Monday but nope. Instead I shall spend it at Bristol Airport. Honestly how do I feel about this gathering? I don't know. Maybe this will be the last gathering. Who knows? At the end of the day it has been 35 years and I guess it is good to see people again, but this trip couldn't have come at a worse time - I have had so many expenses which were unforeseen and spending the best part of 1,500 is really not what I signed up for. I have had to shell out over 2,500 which I wasn't planning to do and now I am having to spend this time in an airport, the whole fucking day in an airport to just wait to fly to Bordeaux. It's so fucking stupid. 

I am feeling grumpy and fed up. I really am. If I didn't have the additional expenses it wouldn't be so bad, but all this extra shit. I really can't be bothered.

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