#158.20 - Sunday #71: Living this life

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Sunrise in Bali: Mount Batur Hiking and Coffee Plantation Tour ...
Mount Batur

In many ways I am at a loss of words. The day to day has become a strange mix of doing things on my own which I love and not understanding what is going on with the world beyond. There is now a dangerous schism between left and right - which was initially fueled by neoliberalism, then Brexit, followed by the last election. In Northern Ireland we have lived with antagonism for years. That is the fault line which we exist on. The earthquake of the Troubles. To think that that was nothing compared to what's going on now.

Facebook has removed anything which is credible that is linked to questioning the virus. People who would have put forward a differing viewpoint. The only people who are left and the neo Nazis to discredit the alternative voices. So much for free speech. It's ok. You know what we will survive. We will.

And as for the school, what will be will be. I have done my best and that is good enough. There is nothing else I can do really. 

Well yesterday was very good. I went for my run and did the piano. I did Gargamel. I did school. I did cooking. I did some watering. Yesterday we came home and discovered that we now had our own little forest - the beech tree, the hazel and elder - somehow we have created out own little wilderness and I was delighted with it. The old growth and the greenery shaded us from the heat of the sun and it made it feel like we were in a little glen of our own. We have to take what we can get, these little delights and mercies.

I'm going for my hour long run today. It has been so nice really to be back again. Eating sensibly and not watching too much TV, just an hour or so - a mix of news and some Antiques Roadshow... and also not too much of social media.

I think I'm going to go for the run now because really, I love it when it is quiet out and no one's around. Do I understand what is happening to the world around me? No. Do I need to? Not really. I just need to look at the small picture now. The big picture is flickering and fading in and out. Assholes and egotists, the loud mouthed and the dictators are now coming to the fore. The Left who would have been the vanguard on this have just gone to ground. The politicisation of this has been one of the most tragic and toxic developments. 

More than ever I feel alone and more than ever I must disappear. Feeling the hostility of others is something which I will have to do. I am just not used to feeling it from the people I once looked to support for, that's all. But I will bear this out too. I have a few friends left, and those I hold on to, I cherish so deeply. They are precious.

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