#150.20 - Sunday #68: Blessed by the universe

Ground Zero

Today I got up at 3 and couldn't go back to bed, so I did some writing and some reading. It is interesting the human being's need to find the source, the beginning. All our stories start with once upon a time. Possibly because we are so ego bound and we have beginnings and we have middles and ends. Anyway, the book I am reading is The Story of a Pebble and it looks at the origins of the universe found in the pebble. I think it is interesting, and fascinating, but when I do find that if I am reading something super 'scientific' at some point I find myself thinking about how much this is like mythology - I find myself thinking, yes... how can we know what happened 13 billion years ago you know? I mean I don't even know what happened two minutes ago. It is that sort of thing which makes me think, hm....

Also the entire Big Bang thing is suspect. I'm not saying it is suspect as in I don't trust science. It is suspect in that it sounds too much like the Hebrew creation story. The once upon a time.

When this happens I think it sounds so much like yet another myth. Now myths are great, I love myths, but I don't think we can then put one myth over the other and say this is the truth. This is what really happened. I understand that this is relativism, but honestly, because I don't really need to have how we began explained to me, it is neither here nor there. The only difference between the Big Bang and all the other myths is that in the Big Bang, there is no consciousness and therefore we live in a godless universe with random happenings and if you believe in the Big Bang that is where you take your ethical and moral cue. We are alone - as opposed to me, who goes, meh, and this is where we are now. So. yeah. Big Bang or being licked by a cow, it is all the same to me.

So, in my writing this morning I discovered two things: first, that I have without realising it become very ungrounded. For reasons I don't want to go into and then, secondly, that being cut off from people has atomised us. There is a kind of madness going on now that I don't want to be a part of. The first madness was when we went into lockdown - there seems to be a new madness taking place now which I can't quite put my finger on, but I have to now leapfrog past this and reground myself. Ironically, I feel so divorced from the hierarchies - so I have gone back to the Calendar of the Soul. And here we are.

Back at ground zero. Back where I began when all this began. But not same back, but back better. I have been wandering a small wilderness, just enough to have my shine knocked off, to know that I am back in the world and fully operational again. I am relieved and glad. Delighted, in fact. Glad that I can still feel. Glad that I can still get angry and be fully human. Than I can be hurt and that I join in the party. I am glad. But also grateful that I have been there and back.

And am going on. Continuing on.

The sunrise today was 345. The first bird sang around then.

We are going to have a gorgeous day today. And I am going to enjoy myself thoroughly and be at peace. The cycle begins anew once more.

The incarnation of the Will. I forgot about that. I had so much of it at the start and as the weeks dragged on, I have forgotten about the amount of effort it takes to incarnate the Will. But it's fine now. It's good. i'm here now. I've shown up.

I write beyond the field of doubt.