#143.20 - Sunday #65: Am here

Jan De Vliegher, artiste belge né en 1964. Iris Garden, 2013.

I suppose despite not going to school I am still teaching and doing class prep and being held responsible - maybe even more responsible - for people paying fees. So that is exhausting. And when no other structures are holding the thing together I feel even worse you know.

But it is what it is - I must look to myself now for all the things which are good in my life.

And let me start with the writing.

Yesterday I cooked samosa and potato curry really quickly for the boys. I also bought some eggs and maybe I think i'll make something like fried rice today with lots of veggies. Been ages since they've had veggies.

The world has so completely changed.

Everything is rocking, everything shifting, by the day. There is no sense of what is up and what is real. I have always known that the reaction to the virus' threat has been over exaggerated by the commitment to the mistake is just stupid. However this is where we are. This is where we have come to. And the judgmentalism of the Left, I have had enough of it.

The entitlement of the Right and the judgementalism of the Left. Honestly it has worn me out. I just want to live a peaceful life which is filled with love and magnificence. Is that so fucking hard? Clearly. Because the world actually seeks to do two things: create a craving inside you so that you do not know yourself and then undermines who you are so that you become lost. So that instead of building on the splendour which every single one of us has been born with, we are now left to seek for this not in the eye of the spirit which manifests itself in every leaf and every stone and in the stars and the eyes of a loved one (which should be everybody), we end up craving material things which can only satisfy us for awhile. 

This impoverishment is what those who themselves are impoverished attempt to enslave others - to create that emptiness in their beings. We are enough. And because we are enough, we are limitless.

I think that this lockdown has made us break with the old ways forever though. During this lockdown people have ended up becoming so glued to their laptops and electronic devices that we are ready to take the next step. Whether it was intentional or not, that has become the outcome. For us to suddenly rely and lean into tech. It is so worrying. So frustrating and awful.

I am even glued to it - if i'm not on my laptop I'm not Netflix. And then I'm asleep. I'm going to have to break this nightmare.

What does being outside translate to? Where will the chips fall when this is all over? You don't even have a choice to not wear a mask now. It's mental. I'd imagine the who security and safety of people being robbed by people wearing masks may soon put an end to that. All they'd have to do is cover their faces and not have mobile phones and that would be an end to that. 

Ok off for my run now... let's make this a good one.