#154.20 - Sunday #69: Setting and enforcing boundaries

Venizia

Sometimes I have to wonder what this lockdown has taught anyone. I have felt really puzzled with how people are. Actually scrap that, I'm not even going to go there. I can only concentrate and focus on myself.

I also did manage to piss my sons off. I am almost never ever the source of grief and sorrow in the family being the bloody doomat, but yesterday I had had enough. Also I found these videos which talked about making a quick buck and I sent it on to Oisin and said to him, be careful of these lifestyle coaches and gurus - and then mentioned hustling and he got very annoyed with me.

It was entirely my fault that because everyone is trapped right now and the last thing they need are mirrors of the truth. So I was wrong. Oisin is starting on his journey and he really doesn't need someone to come along to burst a bubble. I really do feel for him. And I was completely wrong. I should have never done that.

Lessons from the pandemic. When people are trapped indoors with each other for weeks, do not try and make them change if they are not interested in changing. Tick.

I wonder if it will rain today?

I managed to disconsolately write a few bits and bobs yesterday. One short story. One start of a story. These things are just floating by me. I did manage to stay away from too much TV and I did manage to go for my run. So, small victories which we can build on.

Today it is back to porridge. I am going to have to do a few hours of school work and then elements things...

So after this:

6 am Piano

6.30 am Run, stretch, sit ups

7.30 am Breakfast

8 am Laundry - wash and fold

8.30 am Email admin

9 am School

1 pm Lunch

2 pm Nap

3 pm elements

5 pm Garden

6 pm Clear out one cupboard

7 pm Dinner

8 pm Draw and Read

10 pm Sleep

I need to start writing now.

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I have learned a lot about boundaries. When someone is pushing hard against them, know, have full knowledge that you are in charge of them, and walk away. Do NOT engage. Find something useful and beautiful to do. This will likely annoy the person doing this. They want to provoke a reaction. Do not let them do it. Instead, tend the garden, sit in the sunlight, draw, play the piano, delight in the memory of a conversation. Soon your self care will annoy the hell out of the bastard and they will have no choice but to leave.

The best form of self care is self care. Know that you never EVER have to feel bad about nor engaging the bastard in a game. Never feel that. There will always be traps that you will foolishly walk into but forgive yourself when this happens. You are human. You forget. Sometimes, the pressure got too much. It is ok. You were tired of being the adult. Sometimes that happens. Forgive yourself, move past the shame and frustration and pain which you feel because you allowed yourself to take the bait and then recalibrate.

Sometimes you forget and get stung. It's ok. One more thing: never EVER expect a selfish person to change. It rarely happens. You don't have to be the one who transforms it, in fact it is better that you aren't that person, if it ever does happen. Let you ego go in this area. Set it free. Use it to be happier. Use it to find your won bliss, rather than feeding the misery of the Other. Because seriously, that is all it is. Things I wish I could tell my 35 year old self. And my 46 year old self. 

So I am showing up today. Showing up to do the blog and to write. To be present. Found this excellent infographic today.

Yesterday I approached by Peter who wanted to talk about things. I flatly refused because I cannot talk to Peter. Talking to him is like inviting a hurricane to your table. Nope I said. I was there is nothing to talk about. Then he accused me almost at the top of his voice in our garden, I had to remind him to shout at me in the garden, of destroying my sons' lives, killing my unborn children and also exploiting my family. Thus proving why I could not speak to him because it only take two and a half seconds for everything to become personal, and painfully personal, and then for me to be sucker punched by him with words and left reeling on the ground.

Indeed, where he is concerned I have learnt that setting and enforcing boundaries is the only thing  which works. I really like this diagram because it shows the correct way in which we can obtain healing. I myself have never really believed in meditation alone. For me it is a smothering blanket and anyone who says it is only mediation - well how nice for you.