Mid week hump
So, no running today. Three days in a row is probably as good as it gets. Also the reduced calorie intake is probably taking a while for my body to adjust. I also have a full day of school and doing stuff, so I need not be so hard on myself.
Yesterday I was at TK Mexx and Poundstretcher while I was waiting for the car to be fixed. I love TK Mexx because of the bargins and I got a few things - not for myself. Some stuff for the teacher who covered my class and a couple of leather bound journals for two friends whom I haven't seen for a long time. I am now such a crap friend since I have started teaching. I am hoping to see them soon. anyway, I then went to Poundstretcher and there were loads of people queuing. Honestly, what were they buying? Signs like Santa stop here and more Christmas tat. In November! I had gone in to get some cheap pens and saw some WD40 and batteries which I had been meaning to get. I realised what a SNOB I was. I am a terrible snob. I used to accuse Ma of being a snob, but I am one too. And I also realised that the circles I moved in did not include many working class people. I mean I am MARRIED to Peter, and I love his family, but I hardly see them from one of the year to the next. It is the WORST.
I also felt how sharp the class divide was getting - perhaps because I don't mix in many of those circles anymore. Or at all. But it kinda seemed like a foreign country. At least Oisin did parkour and had friends from all over. Not so me. It did then start to worry me. I have often thought that I am quite poor because I teach for nothing BUT there is an issue. I am not contributing in general to the well being of everyone, but to a very small segment of people. This is worrying.
In Derry at least in the Playhouse I came across everyone. People used the Playhouse of everything. Here I don't do that. I don't want to volunteer because now I have come into a part of my life where I think that 'charity' is condescending. This touched on a nerve.
Anyhow. A bit blah now that I a not going running but if i get a three day rhythm running and run a little more on the third day, that would be great. Run three rest one. That is the way they suggest you do it too when you are training. Although I am not training.
I am now reading The Flaming Door. At first it was very confusing - and it still it. I can't seem to marshal the ideas which the author is coming up with. It seems very jumbled but also FULL of wonderful lost stories. So I just read it for that. It is essentially about Celtic mysticism and initiation. Initiation is something which has fascinated me for years and years. This is because it is missing from our lives. The Christian Community maintains that Christ being on Earth has made initiation possible for everyone. The Ahrimanic forces want to hide this from us. So reading the book is fascinating as it traces the Celtic lineage of initiation. Like mythology as well, the initiate is common to ALL cultures. Every culture on the planet - from Native Americans to First Nations to the Ancient Egyptians all have had this idea of being able to be in contact with the spirit. It used to be for everyone, and then we left our dream consciousness and then it was confined to a few. But esoteric Christianity says that everyone can be an initiate now - it is our path to transform consciousness. And we are doing this all the time - we try to - this accounts for the shadow side of failed initiation which occurs all over the world. Addiction, depression, etc. This isn't to say that this will be eradicated, but initiation is critical in achieving meaning - it gives life meaning which results in far less pointless consumption. When we can be with ourselves in a deep way, then we no longer seek external sources of affirmation. There is a huge paradox in this - except for a very few, we need to do this with the support of community around us because we aren't evolved enough yet. But it is support, not blind dependence.
Right. I am going to get ready for school now by having my own breakfast.
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