Vita brevis, ars longa

I can't remember when i became a gardener, except that i have always loved gardening. Even when i was not gardening. For many years i struggled with not knowing what to do. Poking here and there... i remember walking into B&Q and picking up a shovel saying, um have no idea what this does, or this does, or this does... i made terrible messes in my garden and other people made terrible messes too. Then i decided, i need HELP. So i got someone to do a garden design for me. And i was blessed with the best possible person to do this. For three years it sat, doing nothing and this year, this year, it has finally happened.

I have begun digging the lawn area out and i have also started doing a proper compost bin. Ah my battles with compost and legion. I could write volumes about it. But i won't. However yesterday Peter and Oisin went to get some free pallets and now we have a compost bin. Next will be more horticultural grit to put under the bricks and then i will start digging out the beds. At some stage we will need to move the shed. That will be a two day job over the Easter holidays i think.

Once the shed is moved, it will really be awesome cos then other stuff can get done too. Like the boiler area will be cleared up and the bike shed can then be fitted in. We are planning on having chickens.

In the school things are going well too. The allotment beds are going up and the potatoes have been planted. There are plans for the bank area, etc... slow and easy does it. That is our approach. In many ways it is suibconsciously applying what Steiner said the seven processes are. First is the initial idea, then there is great enthusiasm, followed by a period of harmony... then the most difficult aspects are mercury - communication and mars - right action. Right Speech and Right Action essentially, to keep the momentum going. Then we get to Jupiter, which is the realisation of the project and finally, Venus, where the project can reproduce. Become larger.

I can see that this has happened through the process with the garden in the school. And working through the curriculum with the children has also been wonderful. Also having the right people in the right place. We are dreadfully lucky having a really supportive and active group working on the grounds. A group which is filled with the wisdom of experience and who knows what mission creep is, are realistic about people's abilities and also very happy to work hard. I am grateful everyday for this.

I got a crop for mother's day, which i had asked for. I am not sure what the stables' policy on crops are, but i have one of my own now. So i can just use it in the future when i go out.

Over the past few weeks i have not planned anything really. I have just been working and letting the universe look after me. Foundations are being laid for new things and i am cautious and careful. I am understanding about boundaries and trying to see what new things can come from that which we have. It is spring after all.

Later on we are going to the garden centre. There we will get a couple of things. A Bay tree and a planter and some grit. I have not decided if we are to have raised beds - these are raised beds that curve. Not sure how to make those without using motar and getting in new materials. These may have to be delivered to us. But i really want to do it right.

It feels, and it has felt like this for a while yet, that there is now collaboration with the universe. I know this is daft because the world around me is going into pieces. The war, the horror of terrorism, people struggling to make ends meet, and a hundred of other discordant things. However, here, i am learning to read the universe. Learning to speak my voice. And importantly as well, learning when to listen - to keep silent, to really really listen.

All these things are not easy. But i think there is something about not being the centre - about being able to in a healthy way place the self to one side and to truly see with warmth and compassion and then in some strange way, the self is also served. I am not talking about sacrifice... i have reached a place where i have said to myself, categorically, no more compromising - i never compromise anymore. Never. I never apologise when i do not have to. I always hold the line because i refuse to be a martyr. That said, i am always happy to apologise or to make allowances when it feels right.

Life is an art, isn't it? I think that is what they mean by life is an art... to listen and to feel and to learn and to then create within one's life.

Becoming a Steiner teacher has been the best thing i ever did, apart from become a mother. There has been real growth. But growth rooted in my truth of life, not Steiner's truth, nor someone else's truth. I am beginning to understand what my own sufferings have brought me. And i also realise that suffering cannot be generalised. What i gain from suffering is not what others will gain. It is like we have our very own garment of suffering which has been laid out for us. Bespoke sufferings. Bespoke lessons.

Vita brevis, ars longa. And so on and so forth. Thank you universe for making me a human being.