The pain was a foreign country

Blake's Ghost of a Flea

So, i think that one of the most distinctive things about me is my ability to just shrug off pain, ignore it completely until it goes. It is sort of two modes of reaction to pain. Suffer properly, as is lie in bed, and get over with it. Or just work through it and then it goes. Usually it takes max about three days either way. And then life goes on. I do not do long lingering weird and inexplicable illness. Consequently i think that people who have long lingering weird and inexplicable illnesses and making it up. Well, i don't really think that, but a small part of me does think that. Just get OVER it. I think that might be my inner choleric.

Since having done the temperaments, i know that there is a class of people melancholics - who love to dwell and who find things truly tough. Especially the illness and mysterious pains - they aren't making it up. (But maybe they are really, my inner choleric thinks.)

However, lately i have been having these weird pains. These began occurring when i began gardening at home. Not at school, but at home. About two months ago. I had been lifting and clearing and then i developed what appeared to be tennis elbow in one evening of gardening. Being me i googled it and went, meh! It will disappear. And so i waiting for it to disappear. I am still waiting for it to disppaer. My right arm consequently is no longer as strong as it used to be because when i carry anything with some weight - this includes an iPad! - it is super sore. So i began using my left arm to compensate. And guess what. Yes, no prizes.

Then i began to feel inexplicably tired. And then i began to develop weird aches in my knees. Last night i was PRETTY FED UP with my entire self. I was lying in bed. I got up to make a cup of tea and then i was completely exhausted. I sat on the sofa, watching House of Cards, which i really do not like, because i could not get up from the sofa. When i finally did get up, i hobbled into my bed and went to sleep feeling thoroughly pissed off with myself. And the entire world.

This morning i woke up and the sun was shining through the skies and a thought occurred to me. Maybe this is a sign. This my a new development in my development as a human being. This is the world telling me i have to do things more slowly - more mindfully and more thoughtfully and more gently. I suppose if i had to be a weather system it might be a hurricane. I must now stop being a hurricane and being a breeze on a beach. Yeah, i thought. I just need to be quieter, do less, do thing more thoroughly. You know, measure twice, cut once. Instead of cutting to begin with and hoping for the best.

And just like that, i felt better. Doing things more slowly and mindfully and carefully.

And accepting that this is just who i am and that the pain is there to stay. And stop being fed up with myself.

So, here i am. It is Easter Festival weekend. Hats off to all those people who are working so hard. I am only putting together a tiny bit - the exhibition and i should get on with it.