15.6.24 - Finally

Well, here we are. Oisin is 23 years old. He is on his way to doing good things with his life. I have recovered from the most awful week of my recent illness. It was short and sharp. I have sort of forgotten what it feels like to be well at all. My illness bouts have gone:-

August to end September - cough

End Oct to mid Dec - cough

April to end May - cough

Start June to now - possible Covid

In the last one I almost passed out while putting up a hammock in the park. It was quite awful.

But also, as a result of last week, all I could do was go to school and come home. I was completely done by the end of the week. I essentially had to choose between going to school and doing nothing else or Doing stuff and not going to school.

The PLUS side is that I completely lost my appetite. And it is astonishing how quickly one can lose weight. So I have dropped a dress size this past week. Through not eating at all, mostly because I have not felt like eating.

So very little by way of food and also just not feeling hungry at all. So this is another thing... will I ever feel hungry again? I had some Korean sam chan yesterday and I ate it without any interest in eating it. It was just something to eat. It is weird how little food anyone needs to exist. But that is good news, that I am losing weight - again. Because for a while there I did put some weight on and if I keep this up, but the time Singapore rolls round, I should feel happy to get into a swim suit again. And I am going to treat myself to a NEW swim suit. Actually I have a swimsuit which I can use. I'll bring it along and if it can use it i'll use it. This one I'm using I think I bought just after I gave birth to Ghin. Which is a very long time ago.

So much has slipped admin wise. 

I'm going to have to get my ass in gear.

The thing about my illness though is that I haven't been the only one who has been ill. Everyone else around me has not only been ill, but they have also been chronically ill. Some people have been crossing the threshold as well. It is worrying.

Good to see the yellow rattle doing so well in the garden. It was touch and go there last year and I'm so pleased to see them making an appearance again. Over my garden, life hums and buzzes. Where these bees come from is anyone's guess, but they must come from quite a distance. Maybe the forest. But over the clipped lawns of the neighbours, nothing grows. It is dreadful. And painful to see. I am so happy that I have done my bit for the wildlife here. And the biodiversity. My garden is now a seedbank. Maybe i'll mow the back lawn. I think that's what I will do next year. The backlawn will be kept down. The front lawn will be left to grow. 

It feels good to be better. A bit of down time never hurt anyone.

So, I only have the things I need to do left to do and the best way to do it, is one at a time. 

I do think that the world is heading towards war. Especially Europe. Obsessed with WW2, they have never really forgiven each other. Not the English the French, the French the Germans, not the Danish the Swedish, not every, anyone. They all hate each other in Europe. I can see this now. The Portugese hate the Spanish... the Scottish and Welsh hate the English, the Irish hate the English. They just hate each other. Even the institutions which were supposed to help them stop hating each other did not work. They just used it to exploit each other. I don't know what it is about Europeans. Why are they so filled with this hatred? It's mad. 

I actually don't care anymore. I think partly my illness has been about the horrors of this year. Until the whole Gaza massacres are sorted, no one can speak to me about any other behaviour. The Europeans can go and fuck themselves as far as I'm concerned. And the Arabs, shame on them. The only people standing up for the Gazans are the Malaysians and the Indonesians. And to some weird extent, the Singaporeans. And of course South Africa. It is the Empire which is striking back. And of course, Ireland. We have had enough of this shit and we now see what a bunch of losers the Europeans are. Pathetic. They really have nothing to offer the planet anymore. Old worn out tropes. Even their art is exhausting. I can see why people suddenly stopped making any representational art after WW2. All these false ideals. They make me ill.

These things do go round my head.