#73.20 - Bumping along

Ghin in 2010 December... so he is almost 4?

I am Ghin I am very coot

I've been bumping along the ground for the past three weeks or so. Maybe it has been a little longer than that. Possibly since the start of the year. So almost three months now. It feels like forever though. And no one wants to know, of course. No one cares. Not really. It doesn't really matter because I can do this. Just head down, I've been here so many times before in the last few weeks. Just feeling really crappy and then feeling really good. It has what made me think, am I mental a bit?

Ghin has not been attending school properly. Last week it was the Coronavirus quarantine and now, this week he has had a sorethroat. I guess I should get him tested, just in case, but there's a part of me that just rather not know because it is so stupid.

The entire thing is an overreaction. Someone has died because of it now - because they have had underlying problems. Coronavirus was probably the least of it. But now they are considered the first person to die from it. Seriously?

I am sick and tired of how stupid people are. I really give up. The obvious things that need seeing to are just left to rot and the thing that doesn't need to be overreacted to is now overreacted to. It is kind of like not wanting to solve the real problem - which is factory farming, poor health, etc... and all the time no one is talking about the most serious problem which is mutation, although I suppose if the virus did mutate into a virus that was far more effective in killing people no one would be able to cope with it. Sure they can't even cope without going with no garlic or Christmas decorations. And on Wednesday Nick Robinson tried to pretend to be the Prime Minister in the most stupid emergency exercise I have ever heard. It was also incredibly irresponsible - the media now can't backtrack in the way they have overegged the pudding and now have to run with it.

Instead of telling people to just stay healthy anyway, they are spreading fear and racism. It is ludicrous. It will blow over but until then, we are just going to have to put up with the nonsense.

On the plus side, flights are now very cheap. So I might book something soon to Singapore this weekend. That would give us something to look forward to.

It really is shit menopausing. When I emerge from this I'm sure I'm going to look back on this and go, wasn't that a lark? If I haven't killed myself by then.

BUT I have decided that as of today, this morning, in fact, I am just going to be unrelentingly positive. I read something about Elizabeth Warren and how people hated her because she was a competent feminist. A woman who was better at stuff than most people. Even women hated her. Because her life was not a hot mess. Because she was self assured. Because she did not doubt herself. She was considered condescending. Women who sit outside the box have to just expect this shit. That is just life I'm afraid. It is only by just getting on with it and ignoring the so called 'haters' that you retake your life.

But this is neither here nor there for me. I am just really fed up. Really exhausted by everything. Everything. And yet I have to go on. Just one small thing a day. Yesterday I stayed home with Ghin and we watched animes. It was very relaxing but I have so so much to do. Just had to look at some photos from the past. My boys...

I have made myself a cuppa tea there... and I was feeling crap. Like I said, permanent hangover even though I haven't had any alcohol. Sluggish and yuckky and crap... also pre run of course. But I think I'm just going to have to accept this - this feeling of crappiness. I'm just gonna accept that this is going to be a part of my life for the rest of my life. And the sooner I do this and stop fighting it and waiting for it to be over, the better it will be for my life. I mean most people have terrible health for a lot of their lives I'm beginning to realise this. Either mentally or physically and I've not had this, except when it was self inflicted. Now it is just something I'm gonna have to live with and accept it.

It is hard, really hard, but it is what it is. And it will be better tomorrow. Or even just later.