What is time?

Monday again. Wow.

Was that really a week? I am totally exhausted. I have been binge watching Netflix and am now paying the price. Watching that amount of TV is really bad. It is much worse than binge reading.

My brain feels completely empty. Right I need to sort things out. I am going to do that now.

Cooked dinner, laughed a LOT, bought more food, did laundry and then went to bed. Life seems to have settled down greatly. Although this afternoon i was VERY VERY tired. I was so tired in fact that I ended up just not being able to do or think about anything. I tried blogging and nothing came out. I feel load better now. In fact, I feel great. Not high great, just steady great.

OK, I feel good. Which is better than great.

Over the past few YEARS now, it turns out, I have been looking at many things. First it was the Holy Grail. Then I looked at Atlantis. After that it was the Fourth Dimension. In between I read LOADS about Sacred Geometry, Cymatics, blah blah blah. My conclusion about the unseen world is that it will always remain unseen. It is like asking a blind man to try and imagine colour. We just don't possess the tools to work with it in the materialistic way which we are used to work with the rest of the world. The best bet we have is working with the heart. That is the best we can do. As The Little Prince says, It is with the heart that one sees rightly. It is absolutely right.

The descent into materialism is so clear now. I can see it completely. I fully believe now that human beings had a different consciousness at different times - that is the only logical explanation for so much we encounter in history - and that over time certain characteristics became more pronounced and certain characteristics less so. Our longing for the unseen which is expressed in so many different ways, at best our understanding of love, at worst our neurosis in consumerism, is a result of this connection we had once. Little children and babies have this. You see it in their beings instantly. They are so open and beautiful. And as we individuate, as we must, to develop our cores, this slowly cuts us off from this oneness, this wholeness.

Then, for some reason, instead of developing a healthy sense of stewardship to all living things, to the Earth, we decide to throw the baby out with the bathwater and behave like shits. It is then all about me, myself and I - perhaps this was necessary. I don't see how, but nonetheless this happened. And underlying all that shittiness has been this insistence that there is only the material. There is only the thing we have before our eyes. NOW, I think that that is partly true, but also the thing about the material is that it is fully spiritual. The material is the most spiritual thing we have in the sense that it takes a lot for something to become material. The mystery of dark matter is at the heart of this. Therefore it needed to have been treated with respect. Instead we ended up, in many ways, worshiping the gold calf. Seeing the physical as the be all and end all.

This has led to some spectacular nonsense. By using this materialist logic we have tied ourselves up in incredible stupidies. Like using the GDP to measure wealth. Or PLASTIC. We have ended up with the idea that THINGS will make us happy. Or that "science" is only valid with empirical evidence. This is sort of like only looking at 1 per cent of that which you can see and ignoring all the other peripherals - are these peripherals also not evidence? Science is blind, I can see that now - the superficial science that we have studied in school. I have always been critical about the way the arts was taught, but now I can also see that science is a load of bollocks as well simply because it only concentrates on the fetish of a certain kind of evidence. As a result, and because of this I think, I found science incredibly dull. The wonder was just SUCKED OUT of it, and all we had left was the really super dull EXPERIMENT. The world is full of phenomena, but no, everything had to be done in a lab. It is something else really.

And then, like lawyers, scientists think that because they have set up the rules of the game and that they then have defined the parameters, so they know everything and set themselves up as some kind of higher authority. THEY know. WE - well we do not. I have seen this working from the inside. The arrogance then begins. And once arrogance begins, that is poison. As soon as one of the seven deadly sins starts wheedling its way into the picture, then everything is off kilter.

You might as well pack up and GO HOME.

It is interesting thinking about the seven deadly sins: pride, gluttony, lust, greed, envy, wrath and sloth. It is also interesting that I listed then in that order... for me personally. Sin is nothing but being unable to be true to who you are. And those seven were identified a long time ago as distortions. As soon as these qualities enter the picture, then it is like living in a hall of mirrors. You see nothing clearly, everything is put through the lens of whatever sin it is. I wonder if scientists can see that? Pride. It is strange, is it not, that we are told that PRIDE is a good sin to have. That GLUTTONY is alright. That LUST is healthy. That ENVY is what bonds us. That WRATH is ok. SLOTH is being kind to yourself. I think the problem is that we have not developed the inner self, that core which enables us to develop not the unhealthy opposites to these qualities, but the middle way. So instead we have a whole industry of deprivation which has been created that then distorts things even further. The flagellation that monks practised would be an example of this. They felt that they had to push themselves to unnecessary extremes - just in the same way people are doing that now in the fitness, well-being and health industry. Diets, fitness regimes, self-denials - people paying over the odds to counteract the excesses of the sins. It is so weird.

And then there are those in the middle which are somehow left feeling like you are a failure. Being average, being part of the middle way, not being exceptional is somehow not a good thing. Doing the maintenance work, doing the dull work, doing the day to day washing and scrubbing and cooking and cuddling, well that somehow is just dogsbody nonsense. When the truth is, that if you do it with an open consciousness, then it is our connection to the spiritual in the material. It is sad. OK, I think it is time for bed for me now. I need to get gardening gloves for Ghin. I think we will stop by Tescos tomorrow.