There is always meaning
If anyone asked me what the most important thing to do in life was for me I would have to say to live my truth in a meaningful way. Inauthenticity and pointlessness are the two worst things that I imagine I would face. This of course brings all sorts of troubles, but no matter, I would much rather be troubled in this manner than to live a life filled with lies and uselessness. Why bother then? Why not just end it all? There has to be not just the how and the what, but also the why? The Why is the most important question to me. And also the most frustrating because after asking the Why sometime, you come up against the veil - the veil where the holiest of holies lives and beyond that you may not pass. I have now understood this. Beyond the veil language and thought and reason all stop and then, there is only connection - or as people have termed it for centuries and millennia - God.
Anyway, I can't really complain at all because if there is any problem in my life it is that it is probably too full of meaning and truth. And sometimes, I just need boring days, off days. Days where I don't do anything, breathing out days and that is good too.
So after a week of school, I now have a sense of the rhythm of the next couple of months. The rhythms change constantly, by the way. So I am going to think about the things which I need to do and slowly drop them into place. Running, writing, playing the piano are at the top of that list. Also there housekeeping, gardening and being with friends. In addition to school, of course. And the boys, that goes without saying.
I spent most of yesterday, after cleaning the house, much to Ghin's annoyance, watching The Pyramid Code, all five episodes of it. WHY are you watching this, you did Ancient Egypt last year. But I am doing astronomy this year, and it has to do with space and time as well. It was fascinating. I had this insight into the world I existed in, the material world, and at the moment I felt how idiotic it was, to only see the material world, and rely on the material. How ludicrous. How childish really. And how childish most science is, how primitive it is. This obsession with measuring everything - I'm not saying that it is wrong, but that it isn't the full picture. The full picture is something which is far more complex and science needs to update itself. Even the film I saw about intuition in the end fizzled out into the brain and meditation, which annoyed me greatly. It seemed like it was on to a good thing, and suddenly it segued into this combination of measuring brain waves and New Ageism.
So, here it goes. My planning for the next few weeks, until half term. There is a sort of pleasure when time unfolds before you like a lake, a huge expansive lake in which everything is possible. And here I exist, and here I am. Here we stand. For this time only, and then, also for eternity, forever.
The inevitability of time
Lying beside you, watching the light help
Shed your skin, so that your outline blends into
The space of dark night.
And you sleep, your lids refusing to admit the
Passage of place, as you float between an awakening and
A mystery.
How she too must have watched him in his linen wrapped silence
Candles flickering out one by one
To conceal them, forever, in an eternal embrace.
Anyway, I can't really complain at all because if there is any problem in my life it is that it is probably too full of meaning and truth. And sometimes, I just need boring days, off days. Days where I don't do anything, breathing out days and that is good too.
So after a week of school, I now have a sense of the rhythm of the next couple of months. The rhythms change constantly, by the way. So I am going to think about the things which I need to do and slowly drop them into place. Running, writing, playing the piano are at the top of that list. Also there housekeeping, gardening and being with friends. In addition to school, of course. And the boys, that goes without saying.
I spent most of yesterday, after cleaning the house, much to Ghin's annoyance, watching The Pyramid Code, all five episodes of it. WHY are you watching this, you did Ancient Egypt last year. But I am doing astronomy this year, and it has to do with space and time as well. It was fascinating. I had this insight into the world I existed in, the material world, and at the moment I felt how idiotic it was, to only see the material world, and rely on the material. How ludicrous. How childish really. And how childish most science is, how primitive it is. This obsession with measuring everything - I'm not saying that it is wrong, but that it isn't the full picture. The full picture is something which is far more complex and science needs to update itself. Even the film I saw about intuition in the end fizzled out into the brain and meditation, which annoyed me greatly. It seemed like it was on to a good thing, and suddenly it segued into this combination of measuring brain waves and New Ageism.
So, here it goes. My planning for the next few weeks, until half term. There is a sort of pleasure when time unfolds before you like a lake, a huge expansive lake in which everything is possible. And here I exist, and here I am. Here we stand. For this time only, and then, also for eternity, forever.
The inevitability of time
Lying beside you, watching the light help
Shed your skin, so that your outline blends into
The space of dark night.
And you sleep, your lids refusing to admit the
Passage of place, as you float between an awakening and
A mystery.
How she too must have watched him in his linen wrapped silence
Candles flickering out one by one
To conceal them, forever, in an eternal embrace.
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