Friday night selfies...

Some VERY long hair!!!

Told ya it was long!

Went running today, again. I got into my cargo trousers and seriously they were less tight than they were two days ago. I can only assume that the diet and the exercise is working. I have returned to having a slice of toast in the morning with the eggs. Thin asked me if i was planning to eat the same breakfast for the rest of my life. I said, of course.

My hair is now really white - the bits in the front are very white and all the undersides in front are also white. I don't really mind. It has passed the awkward phase of whiteness. It is now so white that is looks ok. I am aware that if i did colour my hair i would instantly look fifteen years younger, but really, do i want to look 30 when i am 45? Do i even care any more?

Not really. No. Looking younger than you are is highly overrated. ALL MY LIFE i have looked about 12 and then around my mid twenties. It is quite nice to finally grow up.

I am feeling rather nostalgic - i have been looking at the blog and there are many wonderful photographs and posts. It is amazing the shite i have written about. The boys crowded around the laptop to look at what i was looking at. We laughed and we giggled. Life is good. Oisin said, you don't seem to post as many photographs. I said, well, you know my camera is bust. Oh, he replied.

I know, i miss my camera too!!

I thought they had gone ice skating. They are now home again.

The skating rink was full. There was no room at the rink.

So, next month, i will be in Rome for four days, i think. Then my parents will be over. There is a lot to do between now and then, and then beyond, i need to think about what my life is going to pan out as time moves on.

OK... so i have signed up to do a course on herbology. And i promised myself that this was going to be the year of biodynamics. So let it be the year of biodynamics. I am now running everyday again, for about 20 minutes, and i really feel like i am beginning to get my life organised. I love it when i organise. I also love it when i don't organise. It feels tight when i organise. Like when you can bounce a coin on a well made bed.

So, i think my time as an introvert is at an end. I can feel it, shedding my introvertish skin and slowly crawling out once again to shake out my wings and take on the world once more. It is alright i think not to constantly have to function level 150%. This is something i have had to learn over the years. I do not enjoy burnout and the thing about me, i know myself, is that i don't even realise when i am going through burnout. That said, i have only ever burned out twice in my life, but that was enough. Both of those times were when i was in my previous job. I then understood that the only person who will look after me is myself. And so, i always made sure i did not overdo it anymore.

SO... i am soo happy that i am back running once more. I am hoping that after my pathetic 20 minutes a day builds up i will eventually be able to run for 10 km weekly somewhere. I still have not found a suitable running 10 km route in Belfast. Isn't it ironic? In Singapore there was the 10 km Macritchie route which i could take if i wanted to. It was through a primary rainforest, around a golf course, skirting a reservoir. It is without doubt the NICEST running trail i have EVER run on. And this includes Hampstead Heath (in the day time) and Belvoir Forest, Castlewellan and Oslo. I did run in Amsterdam once but it was so boring, i didn't bother the next day.

So, 10 km in Belfast. I suppose i could run to Bangor and take the train back.

And then i need to prioritise - well the boys and work, always first, and then after that... piano and writing. Horseriding and running. House keeping and gardening. Honestly, after that, there is no more time.

I suppose i think that my activism is my work. I work for a better world through being a Steiner teacher. I love being a Steiner teacher. I just WISH the government would fund the school, but the truth is that really, the education is subversive in that its aim is to create individuals who show courage in the face of fear, young people who are independent, who speak their minds, who have a social conscience because you can't help but have one if you have been encouraged to think independently, and the last thing the government wants are people who question how things are.

So i think it is an early night for me. Lying in bed, reading and planning. And then a busy day tomorrow playing taxi driver to the boys. But that's ok. Today i was looking at Oisin and i was astonished to see how incredibly grown up he is. I love him so much. I love them so much. There is a lot of gratitude for all the learning and harvest too - and gratitude for the strength to continue working through what must be done. And what must be done, will be done. At least that's the theory. Looking forward to a lie in tomorrow and then i think i will be working on Sunday to clean up the classroom. Could i ask for anything more than a meaningful life?