30.6.26 - 170 - -46: Sabbatical Game

The last three months.

The last three months has been life altering.

Well, nearly four months now. Exactly four months since I received the news about Pa. At that moment, life would never be the same again. I don't want to let that take over my life, but I don't want to downplay it either. I think the two people for whom it changed the most was Ma, of course, and then me. Ma to orders of magnitude which I cannot even explain. Me, as a sort of fallout as I stay around to make sure she is ok. When Pa looked me in the eyes and said Take care of Ma, I said yes instantly of course.

He knew he was going at that point - he knew that he was about to cross over - and those were literally the final words he spoke to me. Take care of Ma.

And of course I said I would.

Apart from that, I am certain that the shapes of other people's lives have gone back to what they were. Everyone else was also impacted by Pa's leaving. But most especially the children in the school - and my colleagues. Which is ironic. My sons. Ireland. This part of our lives will never be the same again. That shape.

There is no doubt that Ireland is much better than Singapore, especially at this time of the year. People here are generally nicer, and that's because life in Ireland is better. People have time for each other. Life in Singapore is extractive. People are squeezed constantly. I think life here is becoming that way too. The thing is, I moved to Ireland because I hated the mechanistic nature of life in Singapore. But we cannot deny it. Mechanism is creeping into everything. Everything.

The only thing that will stop mechanism is mechanism itself and we, the consumers of it, must stop it was well. We need to unplug. Now, in Singapore, it is clear that screen time is the opium of the masses because there are so many people you can see it. Here too, screen time is taking over. It's just not that obvious because there are fewer people. 

Anyway - where was I? Yes, Singapore and Ireland and the Pa shaped hole in our lives.

So we have managed to get the sabbatical going and I am going to get my sabbatical game on.

Living in Singapore

My life in Singapore is really good. We live in a beautiful place. We have family around us. We have enough to do the things which we want. There is no need to live more than we do. We are happy. We have each other.

The rest of Singapore is shite. I don't know why anyone would want more children there. There is no life to speak of. But lets not digress.

So I should and I will be happy with the things which make me happy. I will not need to seek for more because the basic needs are more than met. I am swimming and running and I have so much time to do whatever I want. I have acres of time. It is luxury, pure luxury to spend that time with family, the limited time on earth which we have.

A brief note about time

For a very long time, I have understood that time is the ultimate currency. We have finite amounts of time, so how we spend it is vital. Seeing Siuban yesterday, I said to her that I am going to take this time without feeling any guilt, this resting. I told her that every time Jac called, I was lying down or resting. I said to her that I used to feel guilty, but I am not going to feel guilty anymore about being able to take this time for myself. I did it all. I did it all. From the very start, I fucking did it all. Scholarship, lkiving abroad for 30 years, raising my own children, having a full time job, doing my own housework, pursuing my own dreams and ideals, writing, women's group, art - I did it all. And now I am entitled to some fucking rest. So I am resting. For years I couldn't rest. Now I rest. It is alright. When the boys grew up and I didn't have to run around anymore, I could rest. It was the most amazing thing. So now I have the ultimate currency time. I use it to look after Ma and then I use it to do the things which I want. And that will be writing, art and learning new skills. And running and swimming, of course.

Meaningful things - things which are meaningful to me.

Back to Living in Singapore

Despite us having a lovely life in Singapore, life in Singapore is insane. All the creature comforts which it affords wears off quickly. And there creature comforts are only accessible if you pay. Unlike Ireland, if you walk by the shores of Belfast Lough, that costs zero money - for now - in Singapore, things which keep you sane and are free are far and few in between. Especially if you are not time rich. 

In general then, Singapore is insane. It is a deeply unpleasant place to live in.

Let's not beat about the bush.

HOWEVER, I do not have a choice about it and this is where the circle needs squaring - I do think that I will have to find a way of keeping myself sane and doing the good which I believe in. Of course the other positive about Singapore is that it is not a warzone. It could be so much worse. I do not deny that.

I think, in the end, I will decide that the only way to survive in Singapore in the next year is to become supremely selfish. In that, I cannot expect the support of community. I don't know. I will leave this open, but yes, I will not expect to find solace in the headwinds of insanity. I will need to transport myself elsewhere.

A year of living deeply: Manifesto for 2026/27

I will just have to find my own meaning there.

Just as my life was spent looking after the boys here, my life will be spent looking after Ma, just as I had promised Pa. 

Then this is the year I get to transform the physical body. So exercising - running and swimming. 

Keeping on top of Admin.

Writing.

Advocacy for Human Rights and Education.

Writing the positive conduct policy for neurodivergent children.

Cooking and Gardening.

Looking after the house and making it comfortable for everyone.

Connecting with friends.

Will I add discovering Singapore to my list? Why not? It can't hurt right? Maybe I could see some of Asia? Whatever is left of it? 

I think that that's going to be more than enough.

And I will be positive and involved. I am not going to be miserable and idiotic about anything. And I will make sure that I look after Ma, to the best of my ability.

That is my sabbatical game. Replenish.