This week has been sooo exhausting. I cannot say why. Why is it more exhausting than other weeks? I really can't say at all. I'm Doing what I always do... But not running. I'm not running. But it just seems like always too much. After the school day the actual day just collapses into nothing. I am home, lying prone, on the sofa, dozing. Then I go to bed at 7 and it starts all over again. Sometimes I get up at 11 pm or 1 am. Today it was 4 am. I drew the basking shark. I've been listening to youtube documentaries about marine life. Our planet is such a mystery. I would include the stars from our perspective. But really, really - why isn't this place enough for us? What is it about human beings that we can become desensitised to the beauty of this world? To the miracle of every single living creature? When did this mania of biggering things occur? And of being total assholes? You'd think that more connection would mean enlightenment. More tolerance. But no. This is clearly a state of mind.
Oh and now the latest affectation? Keyboard clacking sounds. Your keyboard are now creamy or something or something else. And you customise them with characters... It's just beyond belief.
I am getting too old, it is true.
I don't know what to do, really.
Yesterday, I discovered that the nightgown my mom made for me when Oisin was born is now getting threadbare and tearing. Soon it will only be good for rags. How did that happen? How did it happen that friends are getting dementia? That they are having conditions which are inexplicable? That they are filled with so much pain? How did that happen? Then I see people who are supposed to be 'successful'... and the price they have paid for that success. It was simply not worth it.
I am in a very melancholic mood. Perhaps the planetary alignment has been just insane for me.
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