3.7.24 - One more day

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I did manage to do laundry and stuff yesterday but not hoover and clean the toilets after I got back from the meeting with Pauline. But I did tidy the house and do the laundry so that's all done now. Today is hair, buying cat food and then meeting Noah at 6 pm. Also I do have to hoover the house and that will be done after my run.

I am feeling amazing. Six months after I decided to give up drinking - clearly the last time I did this I had not been drinking enough. But I have also mostly given up on sugar and carbs - and I'm eating a lots less and more healthy. also school is over and I am not stressed any more. I love my job but it is extremely demanding. It's like trying to climb a mountain everyday. What else? 

I think I have reached the end of this blog. I sort of feel there are no more insights for me in terms of processing life's big questions. 

I was watching some stupid video on Britain's broken economy and the same idiotic tropes which are considered innovation - like WHAT EXACTLY? FFS. Detecting cancer and Alzheimer's early - really/ While giving people treatment which isn't fully tested and now considered dangerous. I promised I wasn't going to mogg people so I'm gonna stop there. Instead, this is what I am going to do.

The massive problem here is how people cannot deal with death. If you cannot accept the beauty of death, you cannot enjoy the beauty of life. Everyday I am aware of death in me. This existence is precarious and precious. And yet for some reason we lionise life and we cannot talk about the magnificence of death. We celebrate birth, but cannot celebrate death. It is so fucked up. But death is something, when the time comes, especially when the time comes, that we can find solace in. This holding on to life at call costs is an insanity. If we can have a beautiful death, when it is our time to do, then we should have it. Just as we can have beautiful births.

I was talking to Pauline yesterday about how bringing up children has to be done in innocence. I said, if you knew what you knew about having a child and was sent back in time to have one - yeah, can't be done. The mountain you have to climb.... and yet here I am bringing up other people's children.

You know, I would have never said I was a children's person, however, I think I see children as reincarnated souls. So... maybe that's why I don't really see them as children... and don't really relate to them as children as such.

I had a fruit salad for dinner. And breakfast. Strawberries and pineapples. I can't imagine what pineapples must have first tasted like when they arrived back here or when they were grown in greenhouses. I hate colonialism. I don't have to reject it and it's legacy, of which I am a product of, but it also does not mean that I have to unthinkingly follow it's idiocy. And it IS truly idiotic. Especially in this day and age.

What did I come here for?

It is a bit frightening that I truly believe that I don't really have any more mountains to climb as such by way of questions. Ironically, of course, I say this while I am at the stage in my life where I am beginning on a new path with the new moon journey group. It's pretty amazing really. Who knows where this will take us?

Right. I am off now for a run, then a Hoover, then to clean up the Forest School things, then I will get my hair cut and THEN buy stuff from Lidl and Sainsburys and then meet with Noah and Gary and then.... time to sleep. It has been a wonderful, wonderful year...Thank you the universe.

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