Week 7 Day 2

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Can't believe it has been a week since I last wrote. Since then the full moon has done its worst, which is not bad at all.

I was just very tired and a bit giddy. I find it affects me differently. I don't go into a meltdown but its effects are still unpredictable.

How is the IF going? Well...

If I am being brutally honest, I was a little sidetracked since the start of the half term. But now that it is over I am returning to business as usual. I tried on my North Face trousers and they are still waaaay too tight. So I then mourned my youth, but also it refocused my efforts. I counted down days, said I would loose 1 kg a week which made it 7 kg by the time I got to Singapore. Look, even if I lost half of that, it would mean that I lost most of my menopausal weight already and it would be a nice bonus. I also have decided to start running every morning. Look at where we live and this weather. I owe it to myself to do that.

The good news though is that I have stood still rather than gone back. And also the full moon probably did wreck me a bit. One day though, maybe it was this Saturday past I did go a bit bonkers - note the full moon WAS on Saturday. I ended up having a brioche sausage bap at the service station, and then I had two of those spiral sausages later on. I also may have had other things to eat, but I think it was the full moon blow out. I'm gonna blame it anyway.

Since then though I am back on track. I am happy. 

I have also discovered this great TV series on Disney Plus called Good Trouble. It follows the lives of 20 and 30 somethings living in a modern commune who have incredibly stressful lives. Caught between idealism and being 20 and 30 something, they reminded me how incredibly stressful and stupid life used to be. It also made me feel better about myself. The mistakes I made and the stupid things which I did. It was all par of course. And it appears that being stupid is a rite of passage for any and everyone.

Some of the situations were too close to the bone. Relationships are hard. Which is why I don't really do them anymore.

I have done the full range of them. They have all been checked off. Do I feel lonely? NEVER. I love my won company. I love the company with friends. I love being with the kids. Honestly, what is there to feel lonely about? Right now it would be just like too much fecking hard work. And I much much MUCH prefer the honesty of being alone than the codependency. I already told Jac that there are so few people who are truly happy in a relationship. I look at people and the cul-de-sacs they have made for themselves. 

I guess I have my own cul-de-sac, but it is peaceful, serene and comforting. That is my cul-de-sac. You could do worse.

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