Week 6

Women are told a lot of shit about our bodies. All through culture, the control of our bodies, especially in patriarchal culture has been an obsession. our acts of defiance and free will have always been punished. We are damned if we do and damned if we don't. 

I know this. Mostly my weight loss journey has been about health. I have seen that the menopause has resulted in me getting larger, almost exponentially on a yearly basis. Because I have a smallish frame every pound means something. But more to the point, getting larger is a strain on so many things - from the heart to the joints. I have never been able to keep weight off, even in my 20s. But now I see, looking at the clothes that I have, even when I was at my 'fattest' I was not fat at all. It's kinda mental.

I would say that I have probably lost a pound a week. Maybe a little bit more. Maybe two pounds, I don't know. I can see that I have about another two pounds, at least, to go on my stomach alone. I think that for every pound on my stomach, I have to loose another pound elsewhere on my body. So the progress is actually, has actually been quite good. Also quite good has been the ability to feel better about everything. And it is also very easy on the pocket. I barely spend £50 on food a week. Less actually.

Like yesterday I spent practically nothing at all. Today I will in all probability spend nothing at all either. That's the way it goes. 

The novelty of eating only between 3.30 and 6.30 has now worn off. It is also easy to not eat after the cut off time. I eat only when I am bored. I notice I am actually getting a little hungry as my stores diminish. I also think maybe my body is clever... and saying now we have to be more efficient. But I also know I entered Harapan slightly below this weight and I lost everything I wanted to in a month. So based on that, we could say, a month? 1 July?

Let's be reasonable with ourselves.

The one day of getting back to routine has reset my body. I can see exactly what needs to go from the belly. I remember when I was younger I used to think if only I could just get a knife and cut it off. It is strange what being a teenager does to your brain. I would never be a teenager again - not for all the tea in China. The madness. The anger. The need to punch right though the horrors and the uncertainly. We are lucky we make it out of that state alive. 

Then comes the 20s. Another stage of madness. And then the 30s... I think the madness actually doesn't stop till you turn 50. What am I like at 50? I still hold on to all those values which I had fashioned at 20. When I was red-pilled as it were. I rejected everything wholly. I needed to to ensure that I was able to then take the things up with meant something to me.

In my 30s and slowly and painfully pieced myself together again. Slowly. deliberately. And then in my 40s, there was reflection. I was mostly tired in my 40s. I saw my last bit of motherhood through. I worked at being a Steiner teacher. A forest school teacher. I worked to bring to bear the things which I would need in my 50s. In my 50s I am glad that I met feminism along the way. I did not compromise any of my ideals. That I spoke out. Called assholes out. People who were not used to being spoken to in that way. I am glad I NEVER joined them. That I was not responsible, not even a little bit, for the state the world is in. That I actively worked against it when I was able to. And when I realised it was the long con, which I always knew it was, I decided to work directly with the people in whose lives I was able to make some kind of a difference, if only for a very short time.

So here we are - week 6 of 8 weeks. Like the divorce I am so glad that I got started all those weeks ago. On the 26th of April. What a date. The decision made. 

Going forward, what will happen in the future?

I think I will stick with the 20:4 eating schedule. I quite like not having breakfast in the morning, and I can eat a late lunch in the afternoon, and a light supper in the evening, around 6.30 pm. The truth is I will have to eat less as my body's need for calories is reduced. They say it is because of the metabolism. I say it is because we no longer make blood and we do not have the monthly cycle to help us with the ebb and flow.

So, here we are... today, today...

Right I am taking out my Forest School things and then I am heading to the garage to hoover the car so that it is clean on the inside. It's not too bad on the outside. Life is for living.

It is simply wonderful.