After Rome
Before Rome I was utterly disciplined and in great shape. After Rome, it has all gone quite pear shaped. Literally. But TODAY IS THE DAY, I tell myself everyday, when I get everything in order. But honestly, today will be the day. After blogging today I will go for my run. When I run everything is reset again. And I don't really have an excuse because really, it is a ridiculously gorgeous day. The Easter Festival yesterday was really really lovely. Because of a few things.
First, there was no gargantuan effort. Not the usual stressors. Some people worked very hard, but it wasn't like terribly crazy. THEN the WEATHER was awesome. And you know how sometimes people bring things to parties which are simple but also wonderful. Well, an ex-pupil, employee brought is woodworking skills, which filled the top lawn space. And the children were working on the shaving horse and making hurdles in the gorgeous sunshine. Then Ruth made a fire and we sat in the gloaming and laughed and recalled things. Carol brought baked potatoes which fed everyone. There was a kendo demonstration. Sometimes things have to be broken so that they can be made better and the Easter festival or indeed both festivals now are cases in point.
The lessons I have learnt from this, is that it is really really important to let go. Mindless adherence to tradition is always, ALWAYS a bad idea. Always reinvent everything.
Lately I have been thinking about the state of the world. It would appear to be in meltdown. I think it is because whatever took place after WWII has evolved down the evolutionary cul-de-sac and can't go any further. The madness with plastic, for instance. The lie of the trickle down economy. The limits of tech and it coming up against humanity. Education and employment's link. What was once a good idea had become a burden because it cannot really sustain itself. The problem now is that solutions are either too hard or not presenting themselves. Also the people who are in charge have vested interests. More than they have an emotional and ideological investment in the world which has been created and this is of course quite hard to then shift and then make a change. I think of the good people which I know which are filled with nonsensical insecurities. Good people but ultimately so invested in the system that even though they are in charge, they can't do anything about it. And then there are the career opportunists which cynically exploit it all. They are the real barriers to change. They are the few who have profited from it all and they have worked hard, worked consciously in the most hard headed way towards it all and they will be damned before they allow one stone of it to be taken away.
They are the ones which will send people to the wall. You can tell them a mile off. They have this brittleness which underlies the facade of bombast and status. Everything around them is a threat. They cannot seem to make way for others because they fear discovery. It is always, ALWAYS disturbing to encounter them. They are borderline sociopaths. They will do ANYTHING to look after number one. Even trade in their own families.They are wolves.
So, I have been thinking about this. They are currently more or less in charge of much of the world now. They thrive on chaos because they can take advantage of what is happening. They can position themselves as saviours and swoop in, offering solutions. It is all false, of course. The only solution they offer is the lining of their own pockets or the pockets of those they work for or the increasing of their status. It is always so depressing to see how money and status is able to motivate people. What kind of person are you when you end up collecting titles and money which you can never hope to use up? It is a kind of addiction, a neurosis which will never be satisfied. This is what is most disturbing about this kind of person. They will keep asking and you will keep giving, until one day, you discover nothing is ever going to be enough. They are not going to be happy with you until you are dead. And then they will not even cast a single look back, they will just move on to the next victim.
So, what to do? The thing is that the game has changed, for me at least. In the past, i think, even though they were few and far between, you could count one SOME GOOD men and women. People motivated for the right reasons. People who did have integrity. I know that I never really believed it. Growing up in Singapore teaches you very early on the effectiveness of cowardice and self interest. But for some reason, I still thought, if you continued carrying the flame, perhaps that will make a difference. Things could perhaps change. I have discovered since how evil - there is only one word for it - people are. From the refugee crisis to the way the Tories are treating the handicapped and the poorest, to how stupid people are - how powerless they truly feel. And there is no solution because it is like, as if, we are at a banquet and people for some reason will not eat. We have the power in our hands but for some unknown reason we believe we are powerless. It is a really good trick.
So, I don't know what to do about it, which is the long and short of it all. Apart from go for a run and just keep trucking. Well, and getting back to my schedule. Right. It is TIME FOR THE RUN. The first time in ages is the worst time. Then after that I wonder why the fuck I didn't go sooner. So just rip off the Band Aid and get going.
First, there was no gargantuan effort. Not the usual stressors. Some people worked very hard, but it wasn't like terribly crazy. THEN the WEATHER was awesome. And you know how sometimes people bring things to parties which are simple but also wonderful. Well, an ex-pupil, employee brought is woodworking skills, which filled the top lawn space. And the children were working on the shaving horse and making hurdles in the gorgeous sunshine. Then Ruth made a fire and we sat in the gloaming and laughed and recalled things. Carol brought baked potatoes which fed everyone. There was a kendo demonstration. Sometimes things have to be broken so that they can be made better and the Easter festival or indeed both festivals now are cases in point.
The lessons I have learnt from this, is that it is really really important to let go. Mindless adherence to tradition is always, ALWAYS a bad idea. Always reinvent everything.
Lately I have been thinking about the state of the world. It would appear to be in meltdown. I think it is because whatever took place after WWII has evolved down the evolutionary cul-de-sac and can't go any further. The madness with plastic, for instance. The lie of the trickle down economy. The limits of tech and it coming up against humanity. Education and employment's link. What was once a good idea had become a burden because it cannot really sustain itself. The problem now is that solutions are either too hard or not presenting themselves. Also the people who are in charge have vested interests. More than they have an emotional and ideological investment in the world which has been created and this is of course quite hard to then shift and then make a change. I think of the good people which I know which are filled with nonsensical insecurities. Good people but ultimately so invested in the system that even though they are in charge, they can't do anything about it. And then there are the career opportunists which cynically exploit it all. They are the real barriers to change. They are the few who have profited from it all and they have worked hard, worked consciously in the most hard headed way towards it all and they will be damned before they allow one stone of it to be taken away.
They are the ones which will send people to the wall. You can tell them a mile off. They have this brittleness which underlies the facade of bombast and status. Everything around them is a threat. They cannot seem to make way for others because they fear discovery. It is always, ALWAYS disturbing to encounter them. They are borderline sociopaths. They will do ANYTHING to look after number one. Even trade in their own families.They are wolves.
So, I have been thinking about this. They are currently more or less in charge of much of the world now. They thrive on chaos because they can take advantage of what is happening. They can position themselves as saviours and swoop in, offering solutions. It is all false, of course. The only solution they offer is the lining of their own pockets or the pockets of those they work for or the increasing of their status. It is always so depressing to see how money and status is able to motivate people. What kind of person are you when you end up collecting titles and money which you can never hope to use up? It is a kind of addiction, a neurosis which will never be satisfied. This is what is most disturbing about this kind of person. They will keep asking and you will keep giving, until one day, you discover nothing is ever going to be enough. They are not going to be happy with you until you are dead. And then they will not even cast a single look back, they will just move on to the next victim.
So, what to do? The thing is that the game has changed, for me at least. In the past, i think, even though they were few and far between, you could count one SOME GOOD men and women. People motivated for the right reasons. People who did have integrity. I know that I never really believed it. Growing up in Singapore teaches you very early on the effectiveness of cowardice and self interest. But for some reason, I still thought, if you continued carrying the flame, perhaps that will make a difference. Things could perhaps change. I have discovered since how evil - there is only one word for it - people are. From the refugee crisis to the way the Tories are treating the handicapped and the poorest, to how stupid people are - how powerless they truly feel. And there is no solution because it is like, as if, we are at a banquet and people for some reason will not eat. We have the power in our hands but for some unknown reason we believe we are powerless. It is a really good trick.
So, I don't know what to do about it, which is the long and short of it all. Apart from go for a run and just keep trucking. Well, and getting back to my schedule. Right. It is TIME FOR THE RUN. The first time in ages is the worst time. Then after that I wonder why the fuck I didn't go sooner. So just rip off the Band Aid and get going.
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| Totally did it, went running... VICTORY! |
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