Changes
Well, i think i am well and truly on the road to menopausing. It sort of began a few years ago, just the occasional missed period. Then, two years ago i had the hot flushes. Then, this year, after a spell of irregular periods, i am now back to the hot flushes, here i am sweating away for no apparent reason, and i have missed my period for May. I am not pregnant, but here we are, the start of the change. I think this goes on for a few years now. I am 46 after all.
After years and years of complaining about my periods, i feel a bit sad now that they will be going away. The thing is that they never announce it do they? Like their arrival, it is mysterious, sudden. A puzzle. One day you are a child, the next, you are ready to have children.
Now. one day I was fertile, now I am about to end this phase of my life. It IS something to be sad and grieve about, even if you did complain about it all the time it was here.
Women who have gone through it and have come out the other side tell me that it is the best thing ever. Hey we have no more periods, Yipeeeee! And I think, yes, i will be happy when i get there too, but it would have been nice to have been given notice. Hey Steph, your 'best friend' is now leaving. You will never see her again. Say goodbye, this will be your last period.
I mean i will probably have a period at some stage, soon, but you know, i think i will look at this one differently. I will think, hey, this could be the last one for a long time.
I have always felt a certain power with my own body. I have always loved it, even when i thought i was too fat. I have always appreciated it. I would go running and think of my body as a place where I gave honour to the goddess. These are the bizarre things i think about when i run. I would feel the power in my legs, see the trees whizzing past, me I would feel the wind lifting my hair, I would feel the sweat pouring down my face, my nose, the taste between my lips, and I would feel invincible.
....
So, after two days of being comatose, I have managed to find my energy back. I spent most of that time thinking that MAYBE i could have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. MAYBE i could have liver failure. MAYBE i am anemic. It turns out it was burnout, of course. Of course it was freaking burnout. I needed to recover from London and i needed to just lie down for a few days to do this. So i took two days off school and i feel loads better.
I am slowly making my way through cleaning the house and doing the laundry, in between hot flushes and Facebook - and the blog. Here comes another one. It is weird. I feel the heat rising in my face and then the sweat just come trickling down my brow. I mean real, actual sweat. Apart from that I am absolutely fine. I am learning to speak nicely to the boys about housework... please do the recycling, please make your bed, please help me carry this laundry.
............
I did make a start with the gardening but now i have come in because i thought it was going to rain. It is not going to rain. It is fine.
After years and years of complaining about my periods, i feel a bit sad now that they will be going away. The thing is that they never announce it do they? Like their arrival, it is mysterious, sudden. A puzzle. One day you are a child, the next, you are ready to have children.
Now. one day I was fertile, now I am about to end this phase of my life. It IS something to be sad and grieve about, even if you did complain about it all the time it was here.
Women who have gone through it and have come out the other side tell me that it is the best thing ever. Hey we have no more periods, Yipeeeee! And I think, yes, i will be happy when i get there too, but it would have been nice to have been given notice. Hey Steph, your 'best friend' is now leaving. You will never see her again. Say goodbye, this will be your last period.
I mean i will probably have a period at some stage, soon, but you know, i think i will look at this one differently. I will think, hey, this could be the last one for a long time.
I have always felt a certain power with my own body. I have always loved it, even when i thought i was too fat. I have always appreciated it. I would go running and think of my body as a place where I gave honour to the goddess. These are the bizarre things i think about when i run. I would feel the power in my legs, see the trees whizzing past, me I would feel the wind lifting my hair, I would feel the sweat pouring down my face, my nose, the taste between my lips, and I would feel invincible.
....
So, after two days of being comatose, I have managed to find my energy back. I spent most of that time thinking that MAYBE i could have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. MAYBE i could have liver failure. MAYBE i am anemic. It turns out it was burnout, of course. Of course it was freaking burnout. I needed to recover from London and i needed to just lie down for a few days to do this. So i took two days off school and i feel loads better.
I am slowly making my way through cleaning the house and doing the laundry, in between hot flushes and Facebook - and the blog. Here comes another one. It is weird. I feel the heat rising in my face and then the sweat just come trickling down my brow. I mean real, actual sweat. Apart from that I am absolutely fine. I am learning to speak nicely to the boys about housework... please do the recycling, please make your bed, please help me carry this laundry.
............
I did make a start with the gardening but now i have come in because i thought it was going to rain. It is not going to rain. It is fine.
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