Again
Well, it is barely three weeks and my period arrived. This is good because it means i can go to Spain knowing i am period free. However, i do think the menopause has started, although i have been convinced i have had it since 2012.
Over the past week i have been a bit depressed about things - possibly because of my period - but depressed about the people around me getting old. I said to Oisin, i am really not looking forward to contracting all kinds of decrepitude associated with old age. What is wrong with you, Oisin asked. You have never been like this before. I know, i said, but it is a secret worry i have always had. I fear becoming old and infirm - just getting all kinds of problems like joints and bones and eyes...
It is not something which i really want to think about and yet it is going to happen.
I am tired and i am recovering. I am recovering from a busy two months being a teacher and recovering from last night and today - just being busy and being out. Today, as i saw the new green on the trees, in that moment i too saw the leaves as they fell and faded. In six months, the summer will be gone and autumn will be upon us and another year would have passed. It just seems so very brief, so fleeting.
My garden is looking wonderful. After years and years of not knowing what to do with it, i begun to take it in hand two years ago and now it looks great. I think in another two years it will look even better. It is so good to know what to do. I am no longer shaping it, but looking after what i have. The tulips which have come up tell me that i want to plant more tulips along the path and the dafss to, they have really multiplied. I have three cornered wild garlic, i have blackcurrants, and i have a whole host of plants which have begun to grow into their own.
Tomorrow i will garden at the back. I am loathe to cut the dandelions. But the grass is so long and i may just have to. The nettles i know are ok where they are and all that needs to happen now is for me to keep them low. I know how to use height and where things should go. It is, as i said, just a matter of building on things.
It feels good to become good at something. To be able to listen what the plants tell you about themselves. It's funny how if you have done enough gardening, you just spend a few minutes digging and they go - do this.
It is a full moon. It has been weeks since i have felt i have any energy. I feel listless and tired. It is not a feeling i ever have. I feel like i don't quite know what i should do next even though there are a thousand and one million things which should be done.
Over the past week i have been a bit depressed about things - possibly because of my period - but depressed about the people around me getting old. I said to Oisin, i am really not looking forward to contracting all kinds of decrepitude associated with old age. What is wrong with you, Oisin asked. You have never been like this before. I know, i said, but it is a secret worry i have always had. I fear becoming old and infirm - just getting all kinds of problems like joints and bones and eyes...
It is not something which i really want to think about and yet it is going to happen.
I am tired and i am recovering. I am recovering from a busy two months being a teacher and recovering from last night and today - just being busy and being out. Today, as i saw the new green on the trees, in that moment i too saw the leaves as they fell and faded. In six months, the summer will be gone and autumn will be upon us and another year would have passed. It just seems so very brief, so fleeting.
My garden is looking wonderful. After years and years of not knowing what to do with it, i begun to take it in hand two years ago and now it looks great. I think in another two years it will look even better. It is so good to know what to do. I am no longer shaping it, but looking after what i have. The tulips which have come up tell me that i want to plant more tulips along the path and the dafss to, they have really multiplied. I have three cornered wild garlic, i have blackcurrants, and i have a whole host of plants which have begun to grow into their own.
Tomorrow i will garden at the back. I am loathe to cut the dandelions. But the grass is so long and i may just have to. The nettles i know are ok where they are and all that needs to happen now is for me to keep them low. I know how to use height and where things should go. It is, as i said, just a matter of building on things.
It feels good to become good at something. To be able to listen what the plants tell you about themselves. It's funny how if you have done enough gardening, you just spend a few minutes digging and they go - do this.
It is a full moon. It has been weeks since i have felt i have any energy. I feel listless and tired. It is not a feeling i ever have. I feel like i don't quite know what i should do next even though there are a thousand and one million things which should be done.
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