Our summer migration

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Heading for more favourable climes

Every year we head for Singapore. How much longer we will continue to do this i do not know. The boys seem to like Singapore a lot. I have become quite fond of it, but not fond enough to say i'd like to upsticks and live there again. In fact i don't know where in the world i'd like doing that any longer. I have no real preference for anywhere. Not like, i don't care where i live, but more like i have a feeling wherever i live, i'll be ok.

Yesterday Ghin said to me, would it not be nice to live by the sea? Yes, of course it would be, but we practically live by the sea in East Belfast and in Holywood we can SEE Belfast Lough from the school. OK it is not by the sea, but it is good enough for me.

The last two weeks have been very strange. OK, i was reading 1Q84. Reading Murakami can be very unsettling. You end up entering the world he creates and then feeling quite isolated. Murakami's work is often about solitude and lonliness and silence. He does what people are thinking really well. I feel sometimes quite astonished by it all.

However there were two thoughts that occured to me during this time. The first is that not being angry is what i will now chose to do because i have come to realise that anger is a pointless emotion. It is actually completely irrational. It stops me from thinking clearly. I also noticed that after i decided that i would not be angry i that got angry at very many stupid things during the day. I have really enjoyed recognising the anger welling up inside me and going, nope, not giving into that and side stepping it. It is actually just like side stepping a falling tree. It feels very good.

The other really weird thing happened last night. I was in the middle of a dream when suddenly this thought occured to me. That being positive and happy is a choice. That we can be positive about anything and that when things are going pear shaped, it is the most important time to be positive. Now this does not mean being an idiot. Of course things will go wrong, but being all miserable about it is pointless. One can be positive and do something about it, or be positive and not do anything about it. In any case being positive is the whole point.

In the dream i felt very HAPPY. I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off me. This has preceeded an entire week of feeling shit about stupid things. Like feeling worthless and feeling like what is the point? Knowing it is irrational does not help you from feeling pointless, but feeling positive does. It is like a muscle you need to exercise. I also began to unpack what positive meant.

It means being awake and being alive and being open to all possibilities. It does not mean that you never feel sad or you never feel that what has taken place is not correct. Sometimes it can be exchanged with having a lobotomy - especially if it is for women. Women are often told that they have to just grin and bear it. Well that is not being positive. Being positive is saying, if something ain't great there are numerous possibilities. We ain't stuck with the one situation. That is what positive means.

This made me feel very cheerful. I know i am sanguine and being cheerful comes naturally to me. Thank fuck.

Right, time to post these reports then. Then i shall lunch in a nice restaurant, just because, and i will then comeplete the rest of my holiday preps. 

I cannot believe i will be teaching Class Three next year. That is MENTAL. I love my class. They are such a great bunch of kids. :-)

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