Just before i start

I woke up feeling better, not so grumpy, but a sense of melancholy had descended over me. I can for certain now say i do not know why i am feeling sad, but sometimes i do not know why i'm feeling so happy either. So it balances itself out. Part of my sadness may have to do with January. And the fact that we get now snow. We get lots of rain. And lots of wind. If you live in Belfast there are also riots which you could go to see these days. Perhaps that's why i feel so sad.

I'm about to start work for the day. I woke at 3.30 and did things like the laundry and had some breakfast. I wrote to a friend, then i wrote in my journal. I tidied up. And now i'm about to start work. Except of course i am blogging. And i don't really think of it as work. It's the thing that i do for the kids, that's what i think of it as.

I was also thinking that what you are asked of as a Steiner teacher is that you must do your absolute best for the kids. That you MUST TRY YOUR BEST - so if you are a crap artist, it does not matter. What matters is that you tried your best. However, if you are passable artist like me, where does that leave one? It means that you do your best and seriously... my best... what exactly would that look like? They also tell you the kids are clairvoyant - as in they see and know everything. Anyone who spends anytime with kids will tell you this as well. Children KNOW. People say, ah sure what do they know - children see into the beating heart of you. And if you have been half arsed about anything, then it is your look out. It is also very poor pedagogy to show a child that a teacher is being half arsed. It means that your kids will think, yeah we can be half arsed too. And that is not the message that needs to come across. So you have to set the example.

Yeah, it's NOT EASY to be that kind of full on everyday. However, i knew all this when i signed up for the job which is why i suppose teachers are completely whacked when they get home. I spend about an hour just being a zombie./ It takes everything out of you and then you are left going - please, just let me recover.

They talk about making sure that as a teacher you replenish yourself and this is done through beauty as a class teacher. The class teacher's astral body - the one that does the movement and the emotions - is constantly feeding the children's as well - so the only way to ensure that it is topped up is to get nourished ourselves by surrounding ourselves with beautiful things. Or at least exposing ourselves to beautiful things on a regular basis. Even a poem a day or a short piece of Bach or possibly some art is good. If we can do this ourselves, so much the better.

So, now, off to get the work sorted. I learnt to German knit yesterday, it was very good as i will be teaching the kids of knit this week. Possibly even today! Yes!