Deep blue funk continues

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I HATE being miserable. It is one sure fire way i can tell i am on the cusp of being ill. I am teetering. My body is in a state of indecision. I am pissed off. Everything pisses me off. Including things which should otherwise either not bother me or things that even make me happy. Nothing has changed from yesterday to today and yet for some reason today the thing that was the same yesterday just isn't good enough.

I being to project into the future. Ah the future...i begin to think...what will happen in the future? I begin to think about things which i can't even control. I begin to think, ridiculous things. And then i feel even worse. the only solution of course is to start thinking about now. Thinking about all the wonderful things that i have here. My lovely children, the family, my friends, my special friends, my wonderful work, the incredible kids, the fact i learnt to German knit today. It is very stupid really.

Actually writing that list was good. I feel better already. It is entirely related to the time of month of course. Everything seems sooooo pointless. Why GOD WHY is what i generally feel like. Of course i can't be happy all the time, that would be ridiculous, but i do wish that when i am in this state i had a room by some remote lake which i could retire to and hide, until i am ready to emerge again.

The boys are playing Xbox. Today i sorted out the back of the TV area. When i say TV area, i should say TV, DVD, iTV, Xbox and speaker area. One of my pet hates is wires. Wires that are crossed like intestines all around the back of the TV area, looking like they might start a hernia. Today i turned the whole thing around and sorted it out. It felt good. It feels good these small victories. Like when i arranged the DVDs this Christmas.

Right i think i might go and do some real journalling. Where i can really write what i really think. I have loads of photos to upload as well from Ghin's birthday. And from the classroom. Right...i do think i'm at the end of my sulk. Thank God.

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