Nothing

I never really documented Ghin's talking - but talk he has begun to do in ernest. Now when you call his name, Ghin! He says, Wot? In a diffident, nonplussed, you calling at me? manner. It's so funny that i call his name and when he says Wot i say Nothing. He has started speaking far earlier than Oisin did and he sings as well, his own songs. Ask him to Sing XX word and he'll make up a brief song composed of nothing but that word. I discovered this when i asked him to Sing Some More. Somemore somemore somemore, he sang.

Anyone who says there is no such thing as a parallel universe hasn't really observed reality. I inhabit a few. There is the Steiner school parallel world. The grassroots parallel world. The Derry parallel world. And then there's the RSPB parallel world. Of course there's the Singapore parallel world which consists of several parallel worlds inside that parallel world itself. I briefly dipped into the grassroots parallel world on Friday at the Party and just loved it. It is difficult though sometimes to switch. In most of the parallel worlds i now live in sexual mores are a little more well, what's the expression, tightly reigned. There everything is pretty much suspended. I'm afraid that these days, due to my senior citizenship in this particular parallel universe, i err on the side of tightly reigned, but just being around beings who were more easy going was good for my soul.

I'm now going to have to go back to work on 8 December...despite my best attempts are trying to get part-time, flexible hours, the RSPB has told me that they can't do this. I have to go back full time regular hours. I did try very hard, but in the end Peter and i discussed it, it just made more sense that i went back full-time, and we'd have to concede to their demands. So i'm in the process of letting go, trying to see bits of Ghin which are more grown up and the bits of him that are still baby. Reminding myself that Oisin is alright, thus far and that the costs will be offset by the childcare vouchers. That i will be able to run everyday and cycle more regularly.

The RSPB parallel world. It is odd that for people who are in the business of breeding birds and life that the organisation is oddly detatched from the earth. Possibly because they inhabit the parallel universe of science, upper middle to upper upper stratospheric classes, that they are entirely male driven and filled with nerds. Now i say this in the nicest possible way - i am a nerd myself but if there was a continuum they'd be on the far right and most of my other interests and pursuits would lie on the other side. So why stay with the RSPB? Because of the work that they do. And because whatever else, it grounds me and puts me in touch with the earth as well. It has allowed me to see parts of the world which would have never been opened up to me if i was not with them. In short it balances me up.

So to work i will return. Listening to Broken Skin by Nintin S again. My favourite track in it is 5 - i don't know what it's called cos i've lost the cover - but it works on grey autumn mornings such as this one - and warm coastal waters, such as the atoll it was dedicated to - Murarora.

And when i listen to it i feel love arise and sadness. Sorrow.

Abortions are now a big big part of the news now. I think they're trying to update the 1967 act. You can't get an abortion in Northern Ireland and must travel overseas for this. The UK. 40 women a week do this.

Beech leaves fall slowly
as they dream of rain.

Abortion is such a personal intimate blood filled decision that it seems violence in itself to debate it in this manner. A demonstration and counter demo was held in Stormont and it seemed as if i, as a woman, was stripped naked. My body was being pointed at and talked about as if it was an inanimate object. Womb. Uterus. There is no language and space, no arena currently to discuss abortion anywhere. Perhaps it is something that cannot be discussed. That should not be discussed. What is the use of discussing it? It is a decision made in silence, shrouded in secret and filled with sorrow. With the hindsights and thoughts of parallel universes, nevermind worlds. There is no right and wrong. There is only the decision. When it is made, only the conscience remains and that exists no matter what the law says. There is mother that would have been. The child that might have existed. The love that may have flourished. The life that could have been taken. The self over the other. And perhaps that says more about society and motherhood than anything else. There is no 'victory' either way. Roe vs Wade. Can you celebrate the right to have an abortion? No. Can you celebrate the right to force upon someone else a task they are not up to? No. Sometimes when decisions are made, they do not need to be paraded in public or spoken about. More in sorrow than anger...

And the rest IS silence.