Horse or/and rider?

Today i woke up and felt a bit blue. It was the usual blue feelings. Nothing out of the ordinary or unusual. Just a bit blah. And so the little tape recorder in the head clicked on. Let's face it, you'll never be appreciated, um...you'll never get breakfast in bed, what else? Yes, no one will ever say thanks for the great job you're doing, etc, etc... and then i thought i might cry...and i felt the tears prickling. And that's when another narrative entered ... equanimity. Equanimity. You are sad and you have balance. Sadness is part of the balance. And it was magical. Not only did i find i was able to let the sadness go, i also felt i was able to feel the sadness without fear, without limits. But i could see it, and not buckle under it. I was riding the sadness, not the other way round. I felt i go deep down, and i followed it deep down and marvelled at it. Appreciated it. I felt it's taste and colour and texture, and i felt how peaceful it was underneath it all. Equanimity was like my horse, i was the rider and sadness was the country we toured. And i felt ... good, but it was bettter than good. It was satisfying, it was real.

Just like two days ago at the railway station. I had sent the Peter to the station and we were had waved him off. Life is good i thought. And i felt very happy. And then i thought equanimity. Remember, equanimity. And this time it was like a wise mentor saying look around you and see how beautiful it is. Don't get caught up in your own head trip. In thinking about yourself and your own happiness. Share it too.

It seems to work.

Anyway...i have now misplaced by digital camera which is a bit annoying. I'm sure it'll turn up. Oisin is looking sweeter and sweeter by the day. Yesterday he helped me to dry the dishes. Oh mom! he groaned as we looked at the pile which i had allowed to gather over the past day and a half. Well, we can do this slowly, i said and talk. Remember Oisin, the first lesson is about being able to clean things because it teaches us humility and order and most of all respect. If you clean something properly you are saying i respect this space and i respect myself. Brave words for a woman whose garden is in a state and a bit.

I have resolved to do the hedges this week. Last week was for the school. And dear god, cleaning that kitchen was a real exercise in patience, humility and respect. But it has been done and it was a wonderful feeling being able to eat and cook in a clean kitchen yesterday for the workday. Which went swimmingly - literally as well because it pissed down. But people still turned up. I mean compare it to today. It is simply unfair!!! But then again, life is not about fairness.

OK, must clean out the car. Hopefully we'll locate the camera there!

These are some old pictures which were taken with Peter's iPhone.