Humble pie

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As i continue practising, the most difficult practise i discover is humility. Not in general, but when i know i have overcome a difficult situation. Feeling proud that i have done is is an indication at how new this still is to me. I know when i am able to not go, well done Steph! is when i've arrived.

On a move well executed, it is currently impossible for me to go (to myself), hey i did ok there, didn't i. And then the after thought of this self congratulations, i'm better than everyone else. That's what really pisses me off. Perhaps if i could say, i did really well there, and i am no better than anyone else - because other people have been doing this for ages and i've only just discovered it, might help.

I think i'll try doing that the next time.

The upshot of this is a great longing to have humility. I think that the state of humility is the state of ultimate grace because it means that you've managed to practise the way in a very concrete manner - and then some. It means that you do not know that you have arrived - and that is the most important thing - not knowing you have arrived is the ultimate state of having arrived. The right hand not knowing what the left hand does.

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