Poison

We, as a race, exude poison. There is no doubt about that. That's how we are able to kill each other. Or exterminate life without reverence. I couldn't watch Atilla the Hun last night on BBC One. As if we didn't have enough real life violence on the news and newspapers. Need we watch reenactments, which were probably worse than they really were, on our so-called documentaries? I turned the TV off. Which was a blessing in disguise cos then i got to doing some writing.

However you can't turn people off. You can't say, Gee, what you're saying there is really not very nice - because you're seeping with this bile. It's not on. They'd go into denial and then there would be a falling out. Which isn't the point now is it? And at the same time you don't want to be a patronising git. They know they're seeping poison, that's why they're doing it.

This is part of the practise - the learning of skills. What do you say to people who are hell bent on having a great time by dissing others. It has been a long time since i've been in that atmosphere or in that position myself. I certainly have done my fair share of slagging off. I try not to do it any more. It's difficult sometimes, espeically when things affect you so personally. Most of the slagging off i do is because i feel hurt or upset. I certainly don't do it to make myself feel superior. Which is what these people were doing. In a space which wasn't supposed to be used for that - in fact i was supposed to be used for the exact opposite thing. Buildling up, not tearing down. I just became quite annoyed - see previous posting on annoyance. But annoyed at myself because i thought, i need to do something about this. They can't be allowed to get away with it. But what? In the end, i did what i usually do - i just got out and left. Rather than be party to the dissing i just parted.

But i was fuming. Fuming is unskilled. What should i have done - in the future? When people are being unfair to others, when they're bring the mood and tone of the place down - what should be done? I'm not old enough to face up to these virtual bullies who are as nice as pie to people in their faces but stabbers and assasinators when backs are turned.

Compassion probably. For the people who are doing what they're doing. The next time i will exercise compassion. The next time that same suffocating, tightening feeling takes hold of me i will breathe and exude compassion.