16.11.25 - 322 - The Quiet Part is Loud

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Cliffs of Moher

I have been learning to just be quiet. 

If I have any relief, it is the relief of not having to do anything after a certain time of day. It is strange how people measure their idea of productivity. I have been productive - and now this is my sabbatical. My very quiet year. The year to stand still and to not reflect, cos, fuck that, to just ENJOY the quiet. Even during the holidays this year, I was essentially looking after Ma and Pa. That's fine, but it was not a holiday. This is my holiday now and I will take it.

I love this freedom to do things I want OR not to do things I want. It is free, you know. 

I got up today and had leftover caramelised cheese for breakfast on toast... fondue cheese. Then I watched Severence or I tried to at least - and I found it very slow and I fell asleep. I think after a certain age, there are literally no new stories left anymore. It was a cross between The Trial by Kafka and ... The Office. The absurdity of the office... I think that people are getting more and more fed up with governments now. The lack of redistribution of wealth, the obscene abuse, the forever wars, the refusal to do what's right. It is all starting to coalesce and people are beginning to rebel.

The entirety of this week has been the Epstein files and Palestine - apparently Russia is also giving Ukraine a thumping. The way the US used to bully people into submission is no longer effective. People will no longer put up with the lies and the exploitation.

I can't quite believe that literally DEAD PEOPLE are giving the current administration and hard time - from Epstein, to Guiffre to Kirk - it's all just coming together - even the Queen and Mountbatten are giving them hell with their poorly judged and abusive behaviour. No one and I mean no one is escaping the whipping.

I am not bored... that's the most delightful part of it all. When I am lying on the sofa or just mindlessly scrolling on the phone... I'm not bored... I am just enjoying myself, the privilege of not having to do anything. Truly, it is.

The pauses in between.

I loved the slowing down. I love not having to be responsible for someone else - for all too long I had been - and I did love it. I made sure I loved every minute of it. But then, it passed from me and I was relieved. OK, I still do have the love which I bear my students and that responsibility, but that's it.

Gosh, I feel very very at peace.

We bring the power of the land... the connection I have to the land... I think that needs to be put into writing... I feel I want to start writing again... from a place of peace, not urgency. To be lost in this space...

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