Hectic doesnt begin to describe it

There are many things that when I look back on my life and feel really proud about. Yesterday will be one of them. Here, one yearish on, we had the deepest most blissful play going on in Forest School. Children with fire skills, knife skills, den building skills, children with rich self directed play being perfectly happy at being outdoors. And the weather held for us as well. We were so so lucky.

It is kind of a little piece of heaven as we just have the best time ever - me helping the children and... you know what, it is good. It feels good. The best thing is when play evolves and flows. There are things to be done and we just do them. Play is allowed to happen. It is something good.

Right.

I don't know what is wrong with me but the words are just not there right now. It is an odd feeling I have never not had the words. Justin is here and I was listening to this story. It is incredible that you never know how amazing people are - how we are all here by accident of birth.

How we all live only by the grace of whomever is looking after us. 

I have recently been reading about the angelic hierarchies. Again. Honestly I do not know what to make about Steiner's take on this. He says that the archai, archangeloi and angeloi have daily dealings with us. I do believe this. Then I read things about Satan and Lucifer and being in the Old Sun and Saturn, and Jupiter etc... I mean ok, I don't have to believe ot to explore it. Truth is that I am reading it for the book.

The next step for Atlantis after having done the map, which I am very happy about by the way, is to do the mindmap. All these characters still do exist, still are here. But I need to remind myself of them. So instead of going any further I must do the mindmap around Atlantis. It will be a worthwhile investment. But I miss writing fiction right? So, I could do a writing exercise as well. For the day, for the elementals. 

There is always a yearning to look into the unseen. To make that which cannot be seen, seen. To bring the mystery to light. So create that which you know to be true. As a child, I fervently, but silently, believed in mermaids. It seemed ludicrous that they weren't real. Like unicorns were unreal. Or Centaurs weren't real. Or flying horses. It seemed reasonable that if there could be a rhino, or even a platypus, why not a flying horse. Or a faun. How could there not be a fish-human hybrid when the sea was the place, that if I had a choice at all, I would live there forever. 

I thought that the Little Mermaid was really quite foolish. Leave the underwater kingdom? Why???? I would much rather hangout with the merpeoples than the humans which were terribly boring. I couldn't really relate to her - beyond the being a mermaid. 

Of course, in this universe, humans have not evolved to include other species. It was the other way round - we came from them. Our embryology shows that we begin life as a fish, then reptile, then bird, then mammal and finally, we are uniquely human.

To be human is to both have companionship and be utterly alone. It experience loneliness, even if you are in a crowd. To be human is to be alive to everything and at the same time to want to extinguish the wonder. I don't know what is wrong with us really.

I am just going to try not to drink this month. It is tough but it will be worth it. Mindmap Atlantis... here we go.