Morning runs
I am back doing my morning runs. It has been a two month break, but better than never. It has been great being back. On Sunday I had my period and that was hell. Essentially I felt like i had a combination of a hangover AND the flu. I looked and felt like HELL. Thankfully, I am feeling LOADS better now.
Last night I baked some bread with Ghin. It was proper bread because for the very first time in my life, i followed my instincts. The dough was wet and sticky when I eventually got it into the pan and I proved it zero times. I however did knead it for 15 minutes. So now I know. Bread dough, I am coming to get you.
The walkthrough at the school was great. We had over 70 people attend and after that there was a good bit of interest. It looks like the school maybe in for a shot in the arm. We may well achieve our own three year target alone this year. How amazing would that be?
All we need are four more new families. And this is a strong possibility.
What a day. I have been in all day because I have been on FB. I did go for mu run earlier and I know I can now extend it. After having been running for almost a week now I feel back in form. 30 sit ups today and 40 by Sunday. I will be well on the way to fitness once again before I leave for Singapore.
Everything seems to be coming together.
Oisin is on the cusp of leaving the school. It is a real threshold, rite of passage moment. I joined the school six years ago to make sure that I was there for him as he got older. As he approached this delicate time of that transition from childhood to boyhood, this in between time, I took the job in school to make sure I was there for him. I know I say this all the time and that is because I remember so clearly when I began that journey six years seemed like such a long time. But now, look at him. The man he about to become appears to be everything which I had hoped he would be. I thank the universe everyday for letting me be able to accompany him on his journey.
It seems like there is new growth, new shoots are sprouting. I remember last year I knew what it felt like to fight to the bitter end. We have no choice. I could not bring myself or make myself go towards that which was wrong. Is it better to fail at attempting to do something you believe in or just throw in the towel, be another person who has left the fight? I made a promise to myself. That I would be the last person to leave. If it ever came to that, I would be the one who turned off the lights and closed the door.
This year something changed in me. I told someone that this was my life. This is my life and you are not chasing me out of it. You leave if you want to, but I am here for the duration. This is who I am and I'll be damned if I let your crazymaking bullshit, your gaslighting, your sense of victimhood make me feel lesser. It is not happening.
And I think there is a lesson to be learnt there. Nine times out of ten people are just reenacting their own pain. I probably did too quite a lot, in fact I did all the time. Now I no longer do this. Your drama is your drama. I am sorry I can't take away your pain, but that's life right? Your pain is not mine to take away. Especially since quite often it would appear that you want to hang on to it. Sometimes people love the pain. I get that. Have your pain, but you should not attempt to make pain for everyone else.
At this moment it feels like a mountain top moment for me. When I think of that journey I took six years ago, and all those seconds and minutes in between, I know that I have changed immeasurably, once again. I did this when I was 33 and I did this again fifteen years late. But slowly. And how have I changed?
I am no longer a first responder to other people's crazy. Small things which used to crack me up, don't do that anymore. I am a lot more certain about who I am and therefore do not need to struggle so hard to be myself - paradox. I feel a tremendous sense of freedom. I can see the view beneath me and it is exhilarating. No so much exhilarating as quiet contentment I think. I have also stopped living for extreme emotions, whether they be highs or lows. I still have a lot to learn. Like for instance, I still find that certain people wind me up. Insecure showoffs, namely. People who constantly need to prove themselves.
Very annoying. But I should also show compassion to them. Although how I do that in a non-patronising way, I don't know.
I guess I still have a lot of evil left in me.
OK, I was hoping to clean the house before I left this afternoon but I postly did lost of FB for the school. It is the Repeal vote today. Today, women in Ireland get the opportunity to vote for legal abortions. It has been a horrible travesty that they have had to wait for this long. And still there are obnoxious men who still think they should have a say and stop this from happening. It is a historic day - some many people from overseas are coming home to vote. There is gonna be a big party in Dublin town tonight, methinks.
Last night I baked some bread with Ghin. It was proper bread because for the very first time in my life, i followed my instincts. The dough was wet and sticky when I eventually got it into the pan and I proved it zero times. I however did knead it for 15 minutes. So now I know. Bread dough, I am coming to get you.
The walkthrough at the school was great. We had over 70 people attend and after that there was a good bit of interest. It looks like the school maybe in for a shot in the arm. We may well achieve our own three year target alone this year. How amazing would that be?
All we need are four more new families. And this is a strong possibility.
What a day. I have been in all day because I have been on FB. I did go for mu run earlier and I know I can now extend it. After having been running for almost a week now I feel back in form. 30 sit ups today and 40 by Sunday. I will be well on the way to fitness once again before I leave for Singapore.
Everything seems to be coming together.
Oisin is on the cusp of leaving the school. It is a real threshold, rite of passage moment. I joined the school six years ago to make sure that I was there for him as he got older. As he approached this delicate time of that transition from childhood to boyhood, this in between time, I took the job in school to make sure I was there for him. I know I say this all the time and that is because I remember so clearly when I began that journey six years seemed like such a long time. But now, look at him. The man he about to become appears to be everything which I had hoped he would be. I thank the universe everyday for letting me be able to accompany him on his journey.
It seems like there is new growth, new shoots are sprouting. I remember last year I knew what it felt like to fight to the bitter end. We have no choice. I could not bring myself or make myself go towards that which was wrong. Is it better to fail at attempting to do something you believe in or just throw in the towel, be another person who has left the fight? I made a promise to myself. That I would be the last person to leave. If it ever came to that, I would be the one who turned off the lights and closed the door.
This year something changed in me. I told someone that this was my life. This is my life and you are not chasing me out of it. You leave if you want to, but I am here for the duration. This is who I am and I'll be damned if I let your crazymaking bullshit, your gaslighting, your sense of victimhood make me feel lesser. It is not happening.
And I think there is a lesson to be learnt there. Nine times out of ten people are just reenacting their own pain. I probably did too quite a lot, in fact I did all the time. Now I no longer do this. Your drama is your drama. I am sorry I can't take away your pain, but that's life right? Your pain is not mine to take away. Especially since quite often it would appear that you want to hang on to it. Sometimes people love the pain. I get that. Have your pain, but you should not attempt to make pain for everyone else.
At this moment it feels like a mountain top moment for me. When I think of that journey I took six years ago, and all those seconds and minutes in between, I know that I have changed immeasurably, once again. I did this when I was 33 and I did this again fifteen years late. But slowly. And how have I changed?
I am no longer a first responder to other people's crazy. Small things which used to crack me up, don't do that anymore. I am a lot more certain about who I am and therefore do not need to struggle so hard to be myself - paradox. I feel a tremendous sense of freedom. I can see the view beneath me and it is exhilarating. No so much exhilarating as quiet contentment I think. I have also stopped living for extreme emotions, whether they be highs or lows. I still have a lot to learn. Like for instance, I still find that certain people wind me up. Insecure showoffs, namely. People who constantly need to prove themselves.
Very annoying. But I should also show compassion to them. Although how I do that in a non-patronising way, I don't know.
I guess I still have a lot of evil left in me.
OK, I was hoping to clean the house before I left this afternoon but I postly did lost of FB for the school. It is the Repeal vote today. Today, women in Ireland get the opportunity to vote for legal abortions. It has been a horrible travesty that they have had to wait for this long. And still there are obnoxious men who still think they should have a say and stop this from happening. It is a historic day - some many people from overseas are coming home to vote. There is gonna be a big party in Dublin town tonight, methinks.
Comments