Easy like Sunday morning....

Post breakfast!

It is often said that the greatest tragedy is not to die, but not to have lived. In that respect i can tell you my life has been a complete success. There aren't many what ifs? in it. A friend asked me yesterday if there was a philosphy behind Oisin's going to circus school, i said it was just like fun gym. In fact, i said, most of the things in my life have been done because it sounded like it might be fun. I think on that basis i really cannot complain about any of the less than positive consequences which may have emerged from the "We should just have fun philosophy." This can be quite at odds with my "I would like to save the world" philosphy. Perhaps that is why i ended up in Steiner education - we can have fun AND save the world. In fact, we need to.

Steiner education is not just about having fun, of course. It is also about reverence. And gratitude. And health and well-being. Which given my sanguine nature can all be acheived through fun. And then, there is all the reading and the thinking and methdology behind it. Yesterday i was rereading the Parsifal lectures. If i read it right, i think what Steiner was saying was that Parsifal is the awakened soul consciousness which has remained untainted by intellectualism. It is this educated wisdom. The Holy Grail is the Earth - the spirit infused Earth which is reflected in the new moon (this has a very complicated back story) and that which the grail IS - is a world consciousness that our Earth is alive and sacred. A common spirituality that brings all of humanity together. This is why i think people who say that Steiner is racist are complete idiots. Time and time again he says that humanity needs to come together to recognise that we are all spiritual beings because we must, in order to look after the Earth - in fact if we do not do this the game is going to be up very soon. Also he does not privelege Western thought over any other thought system. What he does say is that Western materialism is the predominant system the world currently runs on now (you can't really argue with that now, can you) and this has come to the end of it's currency. It now needs to change - the reimagined spirituality which went underground for awhile now is beginning to reemerge and as the entire human race we need to help nurture this. I really do not think this is a racist doctrine, any way you cut it.

So Sunday. Over the past few weeks it has been school and thinking about school and then my mom and dad arrived and then it was them and then it was more school and... so it goes. While all this happened i read about the gospel of St John and lots about the Grail and ... well it goes on and on. What has suffered has been having any energy to do stuff on my own. The quiet mornings of writing and organising. I miss my camera which i still haven't managed to get repaired. I miss going for a film with friends. I miss all of that.

But that should be rectified this weekend. It feels like i've left this phase of internal thinking and outer doing which has been slightly auto pilot and now will enter a real awakened doing phase. Well that's the hope anyway.

I love being the age i am as well. There is no longer an anxiety. I am not worried about the things i used to worry about, although truth be told i never was a great worrier anyway. Dunno if that's good or bad... BUT now i don't worry about things which i want or do not want... i just do stuff and if it comes to pass it comes to pass. And if it doesn't then that's ok. That's life right? And all the things that matter most in life are right inside and often just around ourselves. Today i woke up and i thought, how awesome is this? My sons, my mom, the May morning, Sunday, coffee, bread, conversation, laughter... myself, this is good, it is better than good. Everything i need i have - big grin, big hugs, thank you life, thank you.