Thoughts on a rainy 41st birthday eve

School obviously ended at the right time. It is now doing that horrible Irish weather which if it happened last week would have solved the flag protests cos no one goes out to riot in the middle of this sort of migraine inducing downpour. Instead we had that cold crisp weather which made it possible for people who had obviously finished their Christmas shopping, going through their Christmas card list, putting up the tree, the lights, rolling truffles and feeding the cake the one last time, to say, well now, how do we welcome in the new year? How do we celebrate the coming of our Lord in the 21st century? I know, we will send a few death threats, put people's windows in and we will storm the City Hall and ignore a democratic process. I suppose it would be far more in keeping with Roman occupation - Mary and Joseph would have recognised it. Oh no, not again, them Roman oppressors pushing us Jews around, threatening us with crucifixion. It was a cross between Carry On, Monty Python, Father Ted and Give Me Head Peace. Honestly, you could not have made it up.

Meanwhile in the lovely rose tinted world which i live in - lit by the Steiner school and cushioned by Holywood, we watched the Shepeard's play - which by the way was the best play i had seen in ages - John Barry was a merry lusty shepherd and Peter was a money grabbing innkeeper. We had the Advent Festivities and we attended several Assemblies. Because we sort of do everything very minimalist and we attempt to keep things true to spirit, it was a COMPLETE relief from the constant Christmas jingles which i was only inflicted by when i went shopping in supermarkets. Which is another good reason not to shop in a supermarket.

So, on the last day of my 41st year... what have i learnt? Firstly, that you can plan for things, but they will probably not happen. Which does not mean you should give up on planning. No. planning is what you do while life is doing things to you so that you don't feel as if you are a useless fifth wheel in the journey of your life. More important than planning is being true to yourself. Which can be tricky, cos sometimes myself is not a very nice thing to be. And other times i do not know who myself is. BUT that does not mean i should not stop trying to work from my higher self. Again, like the planning, it gives me something to do.

Do not be afraid. Do the thing that you know will make you happy - seriously. This is not some hippy advice. I also feel slightly qualified to give it since i am doing the thing that makes me happy. Doing the thing that you know will make you happy is the surest way of being happy. Period.

Happiness is a rare wonderful thing - cherish it which i have it because tomorrow it will almost certainly be gone. And then i can look back and the thing which made me happy and go, sigh, i was happy then. It is ALWAYS useful to write things down when i am happy too. This is very important for me because i live so much in the present that sometimes i forget how happy i was - and then i am very miserable and when i am very miserable it is not a pleasant sensation.

People are the most important thing in life. The other day i was watching Teen Cribs with Oisin and i was laughing at the ostentation and pointlessness of it all. Except the sauna, i'd love a steam room. Anyway, after about ten minutes, Oisin said to me, this programme is going on for a very long time. how long does this go on for? I said, about half an hour. He raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

Also at my age i sort of go, i've had enough of things, seriously. It's time to start giving back. I think that i what is the best thing about teaching - i am giving back, giving something as well as learning something myself. Well i am learning lots of things all the time. I really enjoy that. That i am pushed to go good things. Lovely things. That i am pushed to draw, and play music, and to learn a story off by heart, and to think up ways of making maths meaningful... i love all that. And i love it that the kids seem to love it too. It is so wonderful.

Finally, things i'd like to get better at. I have a really good schedule - i'd like to be able to stick to it. Currently falling asleep at 8.30 is not helping. I come home exhausted from school and can't seem to stay awake after doing the dishes. Its is not great. I'd like to be able to be more consistent with the housework and this is the year i redecorate the house. I've been saying it now for ten years, this is THE YEAR!.

I'd like to start exercising again, but not running cos it is not good for my joints and i don't have anything to prove to anyone. I'd like to start walking everyday and riding twice a month - horse riding.

I'd like to spend more time with friends. Real time, not just FB time.

I'd like to blog more - like twice a week, cos i love blogging and it is a great way to leave a legacy for the kids as well.

I'd like to complete my course, which i will this year!

I'd like to sort out the garden.

Finally...i'd like to see more of the world. Being in Venice has given me the travel bug. And i'm seeing more of Ireland too. I'd like to do more of that. More walking on mountains i've not walked before. More drawing and doing my own poetry - or even other people's poetry when i spend time in the great outdoors.

Life is good - life is AMAZING!!!! And i am grateful and deeply appreciative for everything it has given me.