The hope of loving
What keeps us alive, what allows us to endure?
I think it is the hope of loving,
or being loved.
I heard a fable once about the sun going on a journey
to find its source, and how the moon wept
without her lover’s
warm gaze.
We weep when light does not reach our hearts. We wither
like fields if someone close
does not rain their
kindness
upon
us.
- Meister Ekhart
So let it rain.
It has been so wonderful having Ma and Pa with us for the last six weeks. They have done nothing but shower me with love. Me and the boys and those around them. Ma never stopped working on the house and Pa was a tireless warrior. At the age when most people think they should drift into a soft pink cloud of themselves, they have stayed and relentless been here for anyone who has needed them.
I've started tidying up. Putting wires in order and clearing the hall. Yesterday morning when i woke up the bedclothes were all made and the duvets folded up. I felt so sad. I think i feel saddest that i never understood how much they loved me in the past. It is only when you are alone and people stay with you that you realise how much you are cared for. How much you are held. It really would be an exercise for me to remember spending time with them.
They were also so funny with their ways. Hollering in shopping centres and walking out in front of people willy nilly. Pa's deafness also made it appear as if he did not understand English, which added to the mix. And we both despaired - myself and Ma - with him. I found myself yelling at him - because he would either act on wrong information or not slow down to process stuff. Take the driving for instance. He didn't seem to understand the difference between left and right, nor could he read signs, which resulted in him braking hard everytime he came to one.
I'll finally be able to feel hunger again, which after six weeks will be a relief. The house was constantly stuffed with food and Ma was always cooking. I know you could say i didn't have to eat, but how could one NOT eat when the food was good?
I'm now waiting for them to call me, to let me know they've landed safely. Never worry they said to me, as i bid them a tearfilled goodbye at the airport, we're only twenty hours a way. I suppose when you get to their age, you see things in perspective.
I think it is the hope of loving,
or being loved.
I heard a fable once about the sun going on a journey
to find its source, and how the moon wept
without her lover’s
warm gaze.
We weep when light does not reach our hearts. We wither
like fields if someone close
does not rain their
kindness
upon
us.
- Meister Ekhart
So let it rain.
It has been so wonderful having Ma and Pa with us for the last six weeks. They have done nothing but shower me with love. Me and the boys and those around them. Ma never stopped working on the house and Pa was a tireless warrior. At the age when most people think they should drift into a soft pink cloud of themselves, they have stayed and relentless been here for anyone who has needed them.
I've started tidying up. Putting wires in order and clearing the hall. Yesterday morning when i woke up the bedclothes were all made and the duvets folded up. I felt so sad. I think i feel saddest that i never understood how much they loved me in the past. It is only when you are alone and people stay with you that you realise how much you are cared for. How much you are held. It really would be an exercise for me to remember spending time with them.
They were also so funny with their ways. Hollering in shopping centres and walking out in front of people willy nilly. Pa's deafness also made it appear as if he did not understand English, which added to the mix. And we both despaired - myself and Ma - with him. I found myself yelling at him - because he would either act on wrong information or not slow down to process stuff. Take the driving for instance. He didn't seem to understand the difference between left and right, nor could he read signs, which resulted in him braking hard everytime he came to one.
I'll finally be able to feel hunger again, which after six weeks will be a relief. The house was constantly stuffed with food and Ma was always cooking. I know you could say i didn't have to eat, but how could one NOT eat when the food was good?
I'm now waiting for them to call me, to let me know they've landed safely. Never worry they said to me, as i bid them a tearfilled goodbye at the airport, we're only twenty hours a way. I suppose when you get to their age, you see things in perspective.
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