|The light of the world|
Today i got up and began thinking about the spirit once again. To remember, to make it a habit, the going to the source at all times. This can be very difficult. But i think it needs to happen most when i experience negative emotions. I notice there is a hardening inside me when this occurs, and the first step perhaps is to not feel hardness, but softness. Of course, i experience negative emotions quite often. I think most people do. A memory alights, or perhaps an interaction. A feeling of inadequacy. The knowledge that something has been left undone. And then, then, it is time for the kindness and gentleness to begin. For forgiveness to happen. It feels like literally lifting something from your heart and placing it to one side. It feels stroking a cat. It isn't burying a feeling, but rather, saying there, there, it will be alright. And it will be alright, even if it is not really alright. It will be alright because we are all part of this universal matrix.
I am currently reading a book which is a biography of light and the mind. It traces our relationship with light, something which i have never really asked about before. What are the qualities of light? It is light from the Western perspective, and so this also includes the Arab philosophers. Light and the eye - our perception of light - has always been bound with each other. I suppose it is only natural. One can only speak about what one can sense and the only way we can sense light itself is through the agency of the eye. It is fascinating. That for so long philosophers have always believed that the eye itself has its own light. It is only in the 20th century that we completely left this behind. That we believed that the eye has no agency of its own. It is simply a dead machine. Just as the brain is a dead machine.
So this also made me think about the sacred. How can we think about the world without spirit? What would the world without spirit be like? I know now that there is no such thing, the world is spirit and spirit is the world. The unseen conscious sentience. Spirit. Nothing exists without its say so. I think this is what Tesla meant by everything is energy. However there is such a state as a denial of spirit. To say that there exists nothing beyond the physical creates a hardening of the soul. And in this hardening comes arrogance, comes the belief that we are alone and in this loneliness we experience disunity and through disunity we experience pain. That is the fallen state of man - suffering and pain. Or feeling suffering and pain. And sometimes we have to be that way, sometimes, we have no choice but to suffer, to go through the pain. But acknowledging spirit means that even as i suffer, i can also see a way of eventually coming through the pain. Spirit brings me patience because patience is the first gift of kindness and gentility. And if it gives me nothing else, then it would have given me plenty.
But usually, patience brings healing and with that healing wisdom and strength. And those are only the beneficence which i can think about.
When i deliver kindness to myself and radiate it around, then i am radiating with sacredness. This provides a sort of invincibility. Nothing can harm you even if it did try. Always, always be kind. It is the first state of grace. And there is where i am beginning today.
Practising the first state of grace.
In many ways it feels like it is the first time i have understood this. All my life i have been conditioned to develop a hardness. It is only natural. A carapace to protect you against the slings and arrows. But as the hardness develops more and more, it places layers and layers between myself and the sacred. I just could not have it happen anymore. There was a point which i reached that i felt was becoming dangerous. Kindness is not so much a carapace. It does not form a shield, instead it is more like a light, something which emanates, which casts light in the darkness and kindness draws its light from the spirit which is neverending, so it can never run out. Drawing on this source means that, if i am right, the kinder you are, the more kinder you are, i think you become stronger. The person becomes a conductor through which divinity enters the world and in this way your light grows stronger and stronger with practice. I am going to see if this is right, or if i will suffer compassion fatigue? We shall see. It is an experiment.
There are people who are of course naturally kind. I am not one of those people. I know this about myself. I am not a gentle soft person, so this is a completely new way of being for me. So Sacredness 101: Be kind is now in session. It will be very interesting indeed.