Sunday, 11 December 2016


I think i will dye my hair blue and rock the mermaid look
So some people want to be unicorns or fairies or butterflies or eagles but i have always, always, always known that if i had to leave reality and enter different reality i would be a mermaid. ALWAYS. Since i was six years old, playing on the beaches of Singapore, draping seaweed over my head and my legs, swimming like a guppy, i always, always, always knew that i was a mermaid. So i think that maybe i rock that look finally now that my hair is white and dye it  blue. Here is the test, i think it looks awesome.

If i am taking selfies, you also know that i am running again. I never quite feel human when i haven't had the blood and the sweat close to the surface of my skin.

So yesterday, i made burritos for dinner, did the laundry, cleaned the house and now i have gone running no less than TWO times. I love running. I don't know why i ever fucking stop running. It makes me very sad when i don't run. I don't get it. I know i am tired and all, but when i run, within two minutes i am no longer tired. I don't know what is wrong with me. I have a running calendar, and i can tell you that the last time i felt happy it was BECAUSE i went running.

OK, i have a confession to make. It does go like this:

The MOST DIFFICULT part of running is putting on my running gear. BECAUSE, i think, i haven't run for such a long time, i am now very fat. Then i put the running gear on and i discover i am no fatter than when i was the last time i ran. So i am very pleased and i go running for five days. Then i get tired and then the vicious cycle starts again. Until i become, more or less, suicidal enough, to say to myself, now you MUST go running or something is going to die.

Then i face putting on the running gear which will declare my fatness - but doesn't - and then it starts all over again. It is crazy, i know. But there you have it.

It is of course true that i am about 15 kilos fatter than when i was 16 - but who wouldn't be 15 kilos fatter if you have eaten and drunk all that cheese and wine? Had two children. Forced to eat all those leftover peas and chicken goujons. Not to mention jello. I mean i am fecking 46 for godssake, not 15. How thin do i think i am going to be? Also i don't think that being think at 46 is a good idea. It is a recipe for osteoperosis. Being fit is more important than being thin. I say that, then i don't get into my jogging gear for weeks on end.

So, now i have made this confession, maybe i will feel a bit less irrational about getting into jogging gear.

What is it about mermaids? OK, since it is Sunday, it is a lovely day to talk shite.

I have no doubt i was a mermaid in a past life. No doubt at all. Steiner talks about a time when human beings were half animal, and half fish. Not literally - we didn't really have the heavy physical body we have now - but it was more like in the atmosphere. In was probably a mermaid then.

I used to think, i had no interest in Mesopotamia, when i suddenly remembered while i was researching the Main Lesson, that when i was eleven years old, i decided that i would write a whole story based around Nebuchadnezzar and the Hanging Gardens of Babylon. I kid you not. I learned to type while trying to write this story. I learned to type using my grandad's typist handbook.

Then over this course of time, i remember doing this in Primary School. All our Malay lessons were held in the library and i would sit right at the back and steal this series of books on ancient cultures. In this way i read my way through Greece, Egypt and South America. I also have this close connection to India. I have no doubt that at some stage i was from the Indonesia Archipelago. And when i visited Ireland, specifically, the Atlantic Ocean, i knew i was home. I also did my thesis on Norse mythology. In many ways, i have sort of been preparing to be a Steiner teacher since i was 10 years old. So when the tome of Ancient Cultures came up, it was like a lightning bolt had struck me.

I believe, for some reason or other, i have a connection with all these places and peoples. It is really quite impossible, of course... but it is great to have that connection. On the other hand, i have no interest in the Australian Aborigines, Maoris, African culture, not really with Islam, very very little with China. Not really. I am interested in them, i have read extensively, but they don't really make any serious connection with them. It doesn't really get me. I am completely not interested in the current United States. Apart from the mess they have created in the world.

So, there we have it. Of course, you are free to think i am completely mad. That's ok.

Somehow i have also always been drawn to herbs, healing, cooking and gardening. Always. Also living outdoors. Camping, doing wild things. Being tough. That part of me, that part of me, i enjoy - that tough part of me.

That's enough shite then.

Right, it is almost 11.45 am. Time to think about food. I haven't had breakfast yet. So i think i should be making lunch. But first laundry. Then lunch. Then class prep. Then write play. The play piano. Then sleep.

Oh god, i slept like ten hours yesterday, it was soooooo SWEET!!!! Bed at 7.30 pm. On the other hand, i did watch all two episodes of Modus at 3.30 - 5.30 am. I LOVE weekends.

OK i promised that i would do something ELSE positive everyday as well. So i am going to organise a winter solstice celebration as well.

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