Sunday, 29 May 2016

Working out

So yesterday, I finally did all the housework. The preceding week, I was completely exhausted and then I was running up to the period. Now I am back. It feels great. So, I wonder, I know that no two women, like snowflakes, have the same experience with their bodies. I know we don't. Cos we ain't robots, right? And even then, robots also still don't have the same experience either... anyway, as my own history of my own body pans out, I am just sitting back to observe it and going, hmmmm... this is interesting. What is truly interesting is that I really DID try to run everyday and this worked for a month, before my body went, I think you are killing me. I think it is ok to do this if I had nothing else to do the whole day. If I had no school to go to, if I had no other responsibilities in my life. Say if I had been a tai-tai, I probably could have done this everyday. I probably would have had to cos it would had driven me spare not doing anything the whole day.

But I found that it exhausted me to the point of tears. Right around my cycle. So, I am back now, and ready to begin all over again, and I am wondering, is this a good idea? I think I need to try it again and see if it is possible? Is it possible to get up at 5 am and go running everyday. Don't get me wrong, I loved it when I did it, but it was not good for me towards the end as I felt very tired.

Perhaps I need to regulate the rest of my day?

Questions.

I have other questions too, but these are the questions I can blog about...

It was weird when I got very tired. I would come back from school, and just collapse - if I had a hot shower, it would be worse. I would end up feeling completely feeble on the sofa/bed. Then if i had a nap and woke up, I would be even worse - as in be unable to move at all. I know it is not my diet, and know it was not the lack of exercise. It is just simply this: that I do a lot through the day. And I can't do an awful lot any more.

Then the housework went to pieces.

When the housework goes to pieces, I feel miserable. So I had to tell myself, it is ONLY housework.

Which made me feel a whole lot of better.

Later today I will begin my daily running again, cos it made me feel wonderful. In fact I will go for an extra long run - just half an hour instead of 20 minutes. But very slowly. I really want to do the running daily cos it made me feel great.

But my god, when that period arrived this month, that was something else.

But also I do realise I do too much when I am at school too. Being a teacher is like putting on a performance day in and day out. You have to prepare and then there is audience participation. Often it doesn't go the way which you think it oughta, but that's life right? This is the art of the teacher, reading a situation and working with it. Children are also not robots you know. I see them broken in the system - like horses - made to comply, rather than held.

Anyway, back to me.

Right. Today, I am going for my run and then I am cleaning the toilet. And then the kitchen. Then I am doing the garden and the final load of laundry. And then I am going to lie in bed and do some reading. Then I need to organise my desk.

I wonder if this is going to be me over the next few months. Today I noticed that I was really weird. Like not completely connecting to things around me. Not really taking things on, like I was moving through molasses or something. In fact, Oisin also noticed it. What is wrong with me, I said, as I almost moved off at a red light. Yeah, I noticed that too mom, said Oisin. Maybe I need to slow down even more. Too much driving maybe. Oh yes, this was my driving today.

9 am - Dundonald to Holywood
9.30 am - Holywood to Circus school. Circus school to St George's Market
11.30 am - St George's to barber, barber to circus school, circus school to Cafe Nero (Royal Avenue)
1.30 pm - Cafe Nero to Holywood, Holywood to East Belfast
2.30 pm - East Belfast to Circus School
3 pm - Circus School back to East Belfast

That is six hours of driving and waiting.

By the time I got back here, I was DONE. I know it isn't as much as most taxi drivers, but MAN, it was exhausting. How people have more than 2 children, I do not know. Maybe they are better at being efficient.

Then I did the laundry and cleaned the house. Yep. I then lay down on the sofa and watched Friends. That was I could do.

So, I am wondering, the exhaustion I feel... firstly, is it because I am really doing too much, or is something else wrong? Then, what can I do about it? Because I know there is a need for me to do certain things - the necessary stuff, like housework, school, children - but then I also need to do the OTHER necc stuff - like running and playing the piano and the stuff for body and mind - but then I also need to do the nice things - like go for walks, etc... how do I get all these things in... surely there are people who are able to do this. Finally, is there something wrong with me, with my health? Or is this normal to feel so tired and exhausted? And when i pick up again after feeling exhausted i feel like i am starting all over again. I feel like i am starting from where i had left off. Like i am running to stand still. Then i feel really discouraged and just think, why can't i ever catch a break?

Sigh.

OK, enough of wallowing now.

Generally the days are great, it is just i get so tired, that's all, and can't do everything which i need to do.

Hm.... it was great to try out that experiment about the running everyday - so I am going to do that experiment again. I know, you'll probably say, why don't you do yoga? Because I actually don't really like yoga. I prefer running. Maybe yoga would be better for me. Maybe it would be, but I also think I like sort of just running on my own. Doing yoga involves having to be in a yoga class with other people and I just sometimes need to be on my own. Often people say daft things as well, and i think, i honestly do not have the energy for this right now. I really don't. I have now stopped giving anyone my opinion. If people say something which i disagree with, i generally never say, well, i think differently. Because it doesn't matter if someone is right or wrong, because sooner or later, reality will catch up with everyone, including me. So really, unless they are about to throw themselves under a train, i don't intervene with anyone else's opinions.

I suppose i could do yoga on my own, but running gives me a high that yoga doesn't really do.

OK, it is near 5 - i am going running soon. It looks like a gorgeous day today. I know that life is good and i am truly lucky. I have everything which i need and more. Honestly, there is nothing more which i want.

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