Friday, 1 April 2016

A day of rain

A day of rain
I feel absolutely well rested and amazing. After a week and a bit of eating well, resting, of being in Rome before that, of exercising, of just unhooking and chilling, i feel amazing. Like i am walking on water. I can't describe it any other way. A little bit as if i am above it all. It is a very odd feeling. I have spent all week getting the cleaning regime in place. The bathroom and kitchen have been cleaned everyday of the week and each day i need to spend less and less time giving them a once over. The kitchen has really surprised me. I thought that i would spend twenty minutes cleaning it. The truth is that i only need ten minutes, tops, sweeping it and then wiping it down. Because these two rooms are clean the rest of the house also feels clean. The bathroom is a particular pleasure; it is pure joy going into the bathroom and seeing how clean it is. I had always wondered how people kept their houses so clean - now i know. It is a small price to pay for a beautiful gleaming place.

What other things can i report? Yes, i have lost weight, of course. But the running i know is not about losing weight, the running is for the brain and for the discipline of running everyday. It is actually, oddly enough, not for my physical health, but my mental health. The eating is for my body. 

Because i am off stimulants, i don't wake up in the middle of the night perplexed. I get up and i read and write. I don't feel tired anymore. I feel awake and completely able to do everything. But i am relaxing now... i wonder what happens when school starts again. Will i still feel on top of everything?

I had bought some wildlife seeds to scatter and rake into the garden but i cannot work in the rain - the place will become a quagmire. So all day we stayed in, watched The Wind That Shakes the Barley and cried and cried, and read, and cooked and chilled. It is hard to chill. We are so used to running from pillar to post that sitting down and doing nothing is seen as something quite useless. But it is not useless i have to remind myself. It is important to rest. To not go anywhere.

Oh my goodness, i can hear blackbirds singing through the failing light in the rain soaked evening, The rain has stopped falling, but the air is full, it is thick with moisture and birdsong. Behind me Oisin is drawing, inside the living room the TV is on, They are the domestic sounds which i love. The house is in order. I have hardly spent any money this week, apart from the garden and on food. That's all. We did go and see a film, but that's it. It has been a very quiet, silent week.

I have loved this, loved it utterly. I have not been bored, or alone - i have felt utterly grateful for these two weeks of silence before the summer term and the madness that brings. It is a gratitude that surpasses understanding.

Thank you universe for everything. I have loved every moment of it. I have often said that when i experience joy, it is important to acknowledge it and feel humble before it because it will pass - and see, if i did not realise i was in the midst of a blessing, then i would have missed everything and regretted i did not enjoy it while it was there. So, here it goes, the pleasure in the blessing - thank you for the moment, for everything.

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