|A day of rain|
What other things can i report? Yes, i have lost weight, of course. But the running i know is not about losing weight, the running is for the brain and for the discipline of running everyday. It is actually, oddly enough, not for my physical health, but my mental health. The eating is for my body.
Because i am off stimulants, i don't wake up in the middle of the night perplexed. I get up and i read and write. I don't feel tired anymore. I feel awake and completely able to do everything. But i am relaxing now... i wonder what happens when school starts again. Will i still feel on top of everything?
I had bought some wildlife seeds to scatter and rake into the garden but i cannot work in the rain - the place will become a quagmire. So all day we stayed in, watched The Wind That Shakes the Barley and cried and cried, and read, and cooked and chilled. It is hard to chill. We are so used to running from pillar to post that sitting down and doing nothing is seen as something quite useless. But it is not useless i have to remind myself. It is important to rest. To not go anywhere.
Oh my goodness, i can hear blackbirds singing through the failing light in the rain soaked evening, The rain has stopped falling, but the air is full, it is thick with moisture and birdsong. Behind me Oisin is drawing, inside the living room the TV is on, They are the domestic sounds which i love. The house is in order. I have hardly spent any money this week, apart from the garden and on food. That's all. We did go and see a film, but that's it. It has been a very quiet, silent week.
I have loved this, loved it utterly. I have not been bored, or alone - i have felt utterly grateful for these two weeks of silence before the summer term and the madness that brings. It is a gratitude that surpasses understanding.
Thank you universe for everything. I have loved every moment of it. I have often said that when i experience joy, it is important to acknowledge it and feel humble before it because it will pass - and see, if i did not realise i was in the midst of a blessing, then i would have missed everything and regretted i did not enjoy it while it was there. So, here it goes, the pleasure in the blessing - thank you for the moment, for everything.