|Madonna and Child, Torcello, Venezia|
So.... it is now raining - real hard. I am heading to the weekend AND there is a lot of happiness swirling around me. I don't understand why it's there - i just know that it is, this weird feeling that everything is possible again. Today as i was heading to school a thought struck me quite violently. For a very long time, well really very very long, probably since i could ever remember i had been searching for the sacred in the profane. I mean that i always tried to look behind the surface - the world hides meaning - the surfaces are just illusions, yada yada yada - and then today, while i was passing by these houses and the hedges and fences, just you know, general suburban everyday stuff, a switch was thrown in my mind - everything is revealed, there are no surfaces - the sacred is right here - right here in now, in this moment. It sort of follows on from the feeling i had in bed the night before.
I was cuddling Ghin and then i sensed the love i had my sons spanned space and time, even in that instant. That i had loved them since time began and would love them till time ended and that was because i loved them now - the present then expanded into the eternal and there i was, holding on to my son forever because i held on to him now. This moment i think has transformed every moment i have had since and every moment i will ever have. The future, is walking toward us, i know that and we meet it constantly. But what i did not recognise was that the past was doing the same thing and that every moment in the past can be altered utterly by how we are in the moment.
So, for me, there were no longer surfaces - everything pulses with a meaning, a spirituality. Everything is spiritual. Everything is spirit. There is nothing beyond this, this really is all there is. It is utterly incumbent upon us to transform what we have now. Unfortunately this takes a lot of energy and training - A LOT. I certainly does for me. I don't know about other people. But i do wish i had spent LESS time agonising about the present - HOWEVER this DOES NOT MATTER BECAUSE the present transforms and redeems the past. That is something else isn't it? It really is. To think we CAN time travel, it is possible. It is utterly mind blowing.
It is odd the feeling when i think i can see through everything. Because it is, actually seeing something for what it is - nothing more or less - just accepting it for what it is - a child of the universe. A thing of lived experience. It is very strange. All the contortion which i have gone through to understand the meaning of life, to be now convinced, to utterly and inexorably know that this is what it is - and how sublime it all is.