|Riding Home the Ox|
I KNOW my greatest problem is arrogance and pride. I know this because i find it hard to admit to myself i was wrong Oh dear, that did not go too well. It was MY fault. I thought was being very smart, but really i was being a dick. It is also impatience and frustration. It is such a cliche that the more work i do the more work i find i still have to do. It is like digging and digging and digging without end. The moment i think ah ha, i understand this, life goes, well you said you understand it - well now let us test it shall we? Nope, fail.
Life is SOOOO cruel. Really i just think, what the fuck is wrong with you?
OK, i don't think that - i am grateful for all the slack that has been cut. But you know, the testing never stops. Perhaps that is a learning in itself.
So i think - i am being very humble, i have humility... blah blah blah. And then life throws me a curve ball and sits back and laughs. I go, ok, that was very funny, you idiot. Dick.
Although i have to say there is no getting away from the truth. However the truth never needs to be defended, as Jerome says. It simply needs to be witnessed. That is all the truth needs.
So i think, according to this poem, i am somewhere around the Catching and Ox and the Taming of the Ox - i probably will end up between stages 4 and 5 for the rest of my life in this 9 stage process. To be honest, i do wonder, WOULD i like to be so Zen that everything seems to never rile me? I think there is this bit where you Enter the Marketplace and i think, well, honestly, i could never see myself doing that - i am just waaaaaaay off - and really DO i want to be that person who is never unruffled, who goes around transforming blossoms from dead trees without even knowing it? Really, do i want to be that person? Perhaps you don't really get a choice when you reach that stage because you are already automatically practising it so that it is like being a force of nature - you can't really help being perfect all the time. That would be impossibly intolerable. I can see now that i am wedded to my messed up nature. I kind like being a bit of a shit. I do like it that i have it in me.
I return to the Monkey God now. The Monkey God is like the extended version of Riding the Ox Home. It is also filled with rudeness and more entertainment. Monkey is the protagonist - he is us trying to get a grip. He is the very young ego who has existed since time began. The World Egg which Monkey sprang from was there at the beginning of the Earth, just like the Ego Body - but when it is finally birthed, it is so young that it is more like an animal. Having achieved immortality does not qualify you for having achieved wisdom. Wisdom is only hard fought and hard won through going through a lot of hardship. If you are humble enough, you will learn. If you are not, you will become more and more inured in your stupidity. And then you will have to come back and do it all over again.
So, whenever i face difficulties, i now think to myself, this is a real opportunity to learn. To become wise. What is this moment trying to teach me? I must embrace it wholeheartedly. To live in my courage and to face its consequences.
That's the theory anyway.
I have to say that I no longer get frustrated though. If i think back on all the hours i wasted being frustrated, i think, i was SUCH an idiot. I am not advocating a roll over and play dead mentality either, just that being able to live in your truth should also preclude being frustrated to save myself time and heartache.
Anyway, so for today more cleaning. Peter has started already. Very very slowly more cleaning. And then running and then cooking and getting ready for the Class play next week.