Friday, 1 January 2016

2016





The boys slept very late last night. Before Oisin headed to bed, he came to lie beside me and cuddle me. For awhile he was the little baby which was in my arms in Altnagelvin again. I remembered how I shared the bed with him - new mother, and new son. I barely slept all night, just watching his face. The tiny nose, the lashless eyes, the fingers with their little nails and peeling skin. Now he was this huge young man, with a thicket of hair, larger than I was, but still, in my arms. I love you mom, he said. I love you too, Oisin.

Ghin is different. Ghin is outgoing and has an innate sense of rhythm. Style is effortless to Ghin. He is very funny. More grown up. Having a brother so much older it means that he learns things which he should not be learning. I have spent more but also less time with Ghin. While I spend the whole day in school with him, I have spent less time at the park with him. I was thinking what a firecracker he is. When he was a baby he had such a temper. He would cry and cry and insist on being carried all the time. Unlike Oisin. He would beat Oisin up. I once said to Oisin, god made you the older brother and Ghin the younger brother, because if it was the other way round, you would be dead by now. Oisin has the patience of a saint.

Really cannot be bothered to get those roots done!
So I was thinking, what will this year hold for me? The usual. For the past four years my aim has been to live an uneventful life. I am delighted that this has more or less happened. I want to continue leading an uneventful life. A life where I do simple routine things, which are fulfilling and delightful, but simple and routine still, and every now and then I do something else, which is quite low key. Like go for weekends to some parts of Ireland. Life does not need to be novel all the time. I do not enjoy travelling too much any more. This is highly overrated. I mean if I get the chance, then great. If not I just will not travel for the sake of travelling.

I was thinking a good challenge for me would be to be kinder, more patient, positive and helpful, no matter what. No matter what to keep this inside me. In addition to things like run for half and hour a day, play the piano, blah blah blah.

I have noticed how I am really tired. Like last night I was lying in bed and my toe began to have this weird ticky nervous heartbeat in it. I thought, I am finally getting old. But not too old, of course, but you know, more like 30 than 20. Which is still not bad.

Going running after I serve breakfast.

So we were in Wagamama yesterday. The boys had ramen and I had chilli squid. They had goyza and chicken wings. It was busy and we sat and chatted and laughed and Then Oisin had coconut ice cream.

I sort of look back at 2015 and think, this was a weird year. As the year progressed I realised that it was the happiest I had ever been and that there was a sweet contentment to it. Things were coming together and if they fell apart it was important to acknowledge that no matter how hard 2015 was for so many of us, that for our little family, it was the year that it did come together - this is even if it does fall apart.

There is nothing and everything special about what we have. Something thoroughly precious and yet common place about the lives we lead. What others can take for granted, we are so deeply thankful for. And what we have in bucketfuls which we fail to see sometimes, others wish they could have just a little bit of that.

It all goes round...

Anyway, time to check on the breakfast. Ghin is sitting here reading what I am typing out and it is one of the loveliest things in the world, having him here. Kisses, hugs and more kisses and hugs. I think 2016 is gonna be scorcher of a year.

Hapy New Year y'all!

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