Saturday, 17 October 2015

This sunrise

My goodness, September and October really flew by and now, it is almost half term. So much has taken place and i am beginning to take stock of the coming months, already.

Life is bittersweet. I am learning that no matter how hard you try, how hard i try to be good, stuff will happen. Often not of my making and i must be able to say - well, that monkey is not the one on my back. Deal with it as best i can i then get on with it. That is what i need to do.

It is really so beautiful this morning. I got up and realised it was Saturday. I had a kopi tiam breakfast and then i facetimed my mom. After that i tried blogging. Often i throw away the first draft of my blog. This time i had to do it three times. Everytime i blogged i felt myself feeling better and better and finally, i was left with the feeling of being good you know. Not the high of oh i am positive, but yeah, i'm solid. I think solid is what i am aiming for.

The sunrises these days are so beautiful. They seem to be made of a hammered metal - but invisible hammered gold. The clouds reflect this mysterious material and it makes me long for huge skies. I have never lived under huge skies. Never. My life has been the life of the city, the life of people. The life of humanity. Although i imagine that i could SO easily live the life of silences and endless horizons. I don't long to do that - not really, but i do every now and then think - this colour in the clouds would look so much better if i could see from one end of the horizon to the next.

I have been researching the background of Beowulf. Having never read it it has been fantastic to come to it so late in life too. I never really understood the history of the Anglo Saxons and i am beginning to understand it now. Their words, their way of life, their values... i was telling the children about the life of the warriors...

Do you remember the Song of Rig? I said to them. Yes. So the first set of children he had were the servants. And then it was the peasants. Then it was the landowners - the jarls - and then after that it was the king. So the jarls were warriors and they believed in fighting for glory - they were loyal to their king and to their tribe and they believed that if they died in battle the Valkyries would come and collect their souls. They would go to Valhalla and there they would fight all day, die, come to life again and then they would feast and drink all night, get up in the morning and fight again. To my surprise, or maybe not my surprise at all, some of the boys in the class said this was a great thing to do. I would love to do that Stephanie. Fight all day, die and then come back to life to fight all over again.

Beowulf is a story about initiation - of the coming to know oneself. It was a little bit of a coincidence that we ended up reading it in Michaelmas season, but maybe nothing is a coincidence.

So i am doing laundry and then i am doing taxi runs and then i am doing a real run.

Thank you for the beaten gold of the morning,
the reminder of endless horizons,
the cold waters that become warm ones,
the sands that run from shingle to shore
the music held in trust by the silence of these clouds.

Thank you.

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